I Can Do Both *REUPLOAD*

✧17✧

“Are you sure it's safe to enter? I'm not gonna get blasted in the face with your seed, am I, Jisung?”

“No…you're not,” Jisung chuckled awkwardly, turning from Hyunjin and opening the door to his home. He, Minho, and Felix didn't hesitate to step through the big double doors of the main entrance. The rest, however, took their time, glancing inside and all sharing a similar look before finally stepping through.

“The um—The studio's this way,” Jisung mumbled, leading the group through the expansive mansion. He couldn't help but grow increasingly anxious as the boys peered into each room and inspected each part of his home. It felt almost invasive and seemed completely absurd. Of course, Jisung knew what he was getting into when he invited them over, but all he wished was for redemption; a chance to prove to his friends that he wasn't the same. That he was better. He did not wish for them to judge every aspect of his life.

But that would be hypocritical, wouldn't it?

All Jisung ever did was judge so he couldn't be bothered. He didn't have the right to feel uncomfortable. Because he deserved it. That's what he told himself.

So, he cleared his throat and came to a stop at the last door at the end of the last hallway. He placed his hand on the knob of a door he had refused to touch for the past four and a half years. He opened the door to the room he had spent many late nights pouring all his heart and frustration out, now a void of unfinished masterpieces and untouched—yet thoroughly loved—instruments that had once been used to tell stories, buried under immense pain. Dust now had accumulated on the surfaces and in the crevices of every piece of equipment, signifying that they had been forgotten a long time ago. Like a broken promise.

Jisung stood, now frozen after seeing what used to be his life, for the first time since abandoning it a long time ago. He could faintly hear the shrieks and gasps from his, suddenly ecstatic, band mates. However, he couldn't match the enthusiasm. His mouth was clamped shut, throat locked in place, and his eyes shook as once buried memories tumbled their way into his brain, seeping into his mind. His fingers began to ache and cramp like they used to when he would spend countless hours strumming the guitar or creating melodies on the keyboard.

“Jisung, are you okay—”

“I'm gonna go find my guitar,” Jisung blurted, quickly cutting off Minho's question and leaving him with the others.

Jisung trailed his feet across the hardwood floor, dragging them along the wood and going up the stairs with heavy steps. He entered his room with an uneasy heart, moving to his closet.

“Where the fuck is it,” Jisung cursed through gritted teeth as he emptied out his messy closet, searching for what was one of his most precious treasures.

“Jisungie?” He beard a shy, yet deep, voice calling him quietly from the doorframe of his bedroom. Startled, Jisung jumped from his crouched position into the bar that held his wrinkle-prone clothes. He cursed once more, rubbing his head in pain, watching defeatedly as his, once wrinkle-free, clothes billowed to the ground, leaving bare hangers behind on the rack.

Felix watched with a sad smile, finding Jisung’s clumsiness nothing less than cute. Jisung was always cute.

He made his way over to the struggling boy who now had resumed digging through the clutter.

“Jisung…”

There was something about his frantic movements…

“Jisung, babes—”

The shaking in his eyes…

“Sweety…”

The trembling of his chapped lips…

“Jisung, hey—”

His shaking hands that fumbled with the fallen clothes, trying to slip them back onto their hangers…

“All right, all right—Jisung. Jisung, look at me.”

There was something about him that was different.

And Felix noticed immediately.

And when Jisung didn't stop with his frantic movements, Felix wrapped his arms around Jisung's shoulders.

And he stilled.

“Jisung, I know what it's like for people to judge you. No matter what you do, how you've changed, they always judge you. And it fucking sucks. Especially when it's your closest friends. And it hurts when there's not a person who understands how hard you've been trying. Well I want you to hear this:

“I was bullied for the longest fucking time because of my femininity, for my bisexuality, for my hair, and even for my goddamn freckles. And then I came to this new school and you were there and you were like me… broken… but you were you and that was beautiful. I knew from the moment I met you that you were a person with a really really long and horrible story and that it shaped you into who you are now. I knew that you wore this mask made of steel and I knew that your heart was truly made of gold… just a little rusted. You forgot how to work it for a bit. And now you're healing properly from whatever happened and that's okay.

“Jisung, you are allowed to heal. Okay? Don't let their comments make you feel like your healing isn't valid. Everyone heals in their own way and you didn't have anyone to help with your process. Jisung, I—I am so glad you have Minho to help you. You deserve that. But, I also want you to know that when I agreed to be best friends, I was also accepting you, your flaws, your past, and all of your problems.

“When you feel like there is no one in the world who understands you when you're having relationship issues, literally anything— I will be here. And I'll hold you just like this. For as long as you'd like. We can even binge watch your favorite anime.”

Pulling back to look Jisung in the eye, Felix saw the confusion, the desperation in Jisung’s eyes. He smiled softly, cupping Jisung's teary cheeks, caressing the glistening skin.

“I love you. I do. And I will never abandon you.”

And just like that, Jisung fell apart in Felix's arms. He crumbled. He shattered. And he felt a slight pang in his rusted heart, because he never knew he could be loved like that. Of course, he knew Minho loved him but that was a different kind of love. The love from a best friend… that was irreplaceable.

word count: 1077

hEy 🖐🏽

so- sorry i completely disappeared for a bit 🥲🥲 ive just been really stressed out and not rlly my self and juggling school and band and all this other shit is just a lot. i hope you understand and i hope you enjoyed this chapter <33 i love you all

Thoughts? Suggestions? What should happen next? please vote 🙏