Brewed to Perfection

Part 32

"I'm sorry if i made you feel weird, it was a stupid thing that just came out of my mouth, but you don't need to react like this Ben. I thought we were being civil and maybe even friendly with each other now?" I hoped what i said would make him go back to who he was ten minutes earlier.

The guy who was laughing and pointing out vases worth 'big money' on the Tv. Now his eyes were almost vacuous. Memories through my fifteen year old self had seen these eyes before.

"My name is Benjamin. You don't get to call me Ben." He let out an oddly shaky breath.

He walked towards me, his face expressionless. "I don't want to hear how beautiful you think I am. If I cared I would have asked. You must not have any friends if you think that me pitying you means that we are now besties. Sorry to break it you stormy but i don't want to be your friend."

I could hear my heart beating in my chest. It was my only reminder it was still there.

"Why are you doing this? I don't understand?" i asked in a whisper, feeling the brutal blow approaching.

His eyes flashed something, before I could make it out his lips turned into a smirk.

"Bev never invited me. Did you know that?" he asked, still smiling.

"No she said that -"

"- I know what she said, because i told her to tell you that. She told me that you were going to her house for drinks and i told her about our history."

"What do you mean? You told her everything you did in highschool?"

"I told her that little storm cloud used to follow me around all the time in highschool. Wherever I was, there she was. I told her that I knew how you felt about me. You were and still are in love with me. It's why you couldn't look at me in Brewtiful, you were embarrassed. I told her that if i came last night, we could finally break the ice and who knows what would happen." He looked at me, his expression dark and cruel.

"Why?"

"It was easy. Everyone knows Bev is a romantic at heart. I think she had hoped that i would bring you out of your shell. She was so desperate for you to finally meet someone" he laughed callously.

"The hardest part was pretending to find you interesting or even acting like I cared, but gosh was it worth it."

"I don't understand Benjamin. What was the point in all of this? I don't care what you say, you were being yourself yesterday and this morning. I just don't know why you're doing this now?"

He laughed, but it was the exact opposite to the one I had heard just shortly before.

My face was flat as I warned, "Don't say anything you can't take back Benjamin. I won't get over it like all the other times before. If you say something now, I won't ever forget or forgive it."

His face didn't react, but I noticed him take a small swallow before he dealt his final blow. " I expected to get some shit out of you after you had a few drinks but god, when you told Bev and I that you were a virgin who had never been kissed. I don't think there is a better cherry to put on top of your sad life. I almost burst out laughing. Little stormcloud is just as pathetic as she used to be, if anything you're more alone than I had ever hoped."

His smile fell back to a flat line on his now mundane face. I could only see a blotch of disappointment. His words that shot at me, left me hollow. Sitting on a stranger's couch I prayed then that I be swallowed whole by the earth. It was my own fault I thought as the colour washed from my face.

"I'm sorry for calling you beautiful, I guess I was blinded by who you were pretending to be, I forgot who you truly are. I wish I could shout at you, or even tell you that I wasn't fooled. But I'm too exhausted from all the years of being around you Benjamin. I feel like half a person. This morning while you went to the bathroom for a damp towel I thought to myself, no one else has ever done anything like this for me before. I felt cared for, and in return I started to care about you." I took a breath, keeping my gaze locked on my hands that were clasped together on my lap.

"I started to forgive your words from years ago. I felt like I was being immature for not getting over them. Even though everytime i caught a glimpse of myself in a reflection I would hear every awful thing you had ever said. I believed every word. But I made myself believe that it was my fault for making the words mean so much to me. You made me think you were different now. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sadly too soft for all of this now. I could do the pushing and shoving years back because I had so much anger inside over everything but now my skin is tissue paper and inside I'm dust particles. One little tear and I'll blow away."

I looked at him, standing there. His face blurry from the tears that had gathered in my eyes, I never even realised I had started to cry.

"I'll leave you alone, just please leave me alone to my misery Benjamin. Its the only thing i'll ever ask of you."

With that, I got off the couch and walked away, leaving the last person to ever disappoint me.