Brewed to Perfection

Part 34

"Is that you Maeve?" My Mother yelled as I walked in the house. I didn't really want her to see me. The Uber driver looked uncomfortable when I got into the backseat. I could see him looking curiously using the car mirror to inspect the crying girl who probably smells like booze and vomit.

Mum would just worry.

I took my shoes off quietly before responding to her call from the kitchen. Ensuring my voice wasn't as shaky as I felt I mustered up the last ounce of energy I had left. "Yeah, it's me. I'm just heading for a shower. Will catch up with you in a bit."

I prayed she wouldn't follow the sound of my voice. I quickly headed to the staircase, wanting to wash these past few hours away.

"Ok Maeve, what do you want me to tell the boy on the phone?" Mum responded as I was almost at the top of the staircase.

Her question made me stop dead on my feet. "What?"

"The young man on the phone, he says he wants to check you got home okay and wants to speak to you" she responded.

I couldn't play these stupid games with him. How did he have my home phone number? I knew it was him. Whenever I think I couldn't feel worse he reminds me there's always further to sink.

I took a deep breath in before replying. "Hang up the phone mum."

"Maeve, come down for a second. I can barely hear what your saying."

"Hang up the phone." I practically shrieked.

I don't think there is another word Benjamin could say to me that I hadn't heard before. There was nothing left for him to say anymore.

"Okay-okay! Ive hung up the call. Maeve he sounded worried about you"

The only thing he was worried about is that his favourite little toy had finally broken. He couldn't use his shit glue to piece it back together. He would have to find another similar toy but it would never be like the original.

I sighed, feeling genuinely exhausted. "He's not a friend. If you see that number come up again, do not answer." I shouted my last warning before going into the bathroom.

It was only once i locked the bathroom door I realised i wanted a bath instead of a shower. My knees buckled, and I realised I couldn't physically stand under the shower without falling.

The water wasn't very warm, but I was used to it. Mum couldn't afford to have the water heater on all the time so most of the time the water temperature was just above room temperature. I didn't normally notice it.

Today was different from normal because I felt cold inside. So soaking in barely warm water made me feel sad.

It was only when my tears fell down my cheek, on my naked skin did I realise my tears were warmer than the water that i was soaking in.

-

Around an hour later i walked into the kitchen wearing my old night gown and a pair of fluffy socks, finding mum still there prepping her dinner for work.

Her hair was tied neatly in a high bun. I noticed her hair had more grey weaved throughout.

"Hi Mum." I said to the back of her head, whilst walking towards the kitchen table and chairs.

She turned around quickly with a wooden spoon in one hand, and a frying pan with some sort of bean concoction in the other.

I could tell from her eyes, she was searching and analysing every terrible bit of my face.

"Jeez Maeve, what's happened?"

The concern in her voice almost makes me crumble and want to tell her everything. But mum has enough on her hands. She didn't need the burden of my drama too.

"Nothing mum. I got shampoo in my hair in the bath." I uttered hoping she wouldn't question me any further.

She placed her pot back on the stove and walked over to sit next to me.

"Maeve" she moved her hand to grab mine.

"I can tell when somethings wrong, you know? Im your mum."

I let out a shaky breath. "I know mum, honestly im just hungover."

She made a face like she didnt believe a single word of what i had just said.

"Really. You know id tell you if something was really bothering me." i told her.

As a family, my parents made me swear to tell them when i wanted help or advice. They made me promise. I think they were worried that after Robbie they could lose another child.

Mum's eyes searched into mine for a few silent moments. "I know I'm busy a lot of the time. With my job and everything -"

"- mum its fine, i know you have to do these shifts and every-"

"What I'm trying to say Maeve, is that despite my shitty texting and the fact I'm never here to talk to you. I just want you to know I always care and think about you. Iv'e only ever had two true loves in my life."

She lowered her voice.

"Don't tell your father, but he sadly didn't make the cut. My first love was my blue eyed baby. He was full of life and changed mine, every precious second he was in it."

I could feel tears form in the corner in my eyes. God, how many times can a person cry in one day?

"He was so iridescent that when he left, I still feel and see him everywhere. Because every person he touched with his soul...he left them shining."

I held back a choke. Mum always talked about Robbie with so much love it felt unjust and cruel he was taken away from her.

"And my other love, she's like no other. She's just as bright but for some reason doesn't let herself glow. I think it's because if she did, every single person would be in wonder. And she's not selfish or wanting like that. She's humble and beautiful. She's creative, and funny. She's independent but sometimes I wish she still asked for my help. Because she doesn't have to do everything alone. She needs to know she isn't alone."

My hand that is in her hand is squeezed tightly before she pulls me in for a hug.

We say nothing but mum does what mums do best. She makes a shit day just a little bit better.