Infinity

4

Days turned into weeks, and although things felt normal on the surface, there was an undeniable tension between Finilene and me. Parang may usok sa pagitan namin na hindi maalis, kahit gaano pa kami magsaya o magpanggap na wala kaming iniisip.

One weekend, we decided to visit the beach. It was our go-to place whenever life got a bit too heavy. The waves crashing against the shore, the salty air, and the endless horizon—it was our escape from reality. But this time, kahit gaano kaganda ang paligid, I could feel the weight pressing down on me. Something was wrong, and I didn’t know how to face it.

We sat on the sand, side by side, our feet buried in the cool grains. Finilene was quiet again, staring at the ocean, her brows slightly furrowed. I couldn’t take the silence anymore.

“Fin,” I said softly, reaching out to hold her hand. “Anong iniisip mo?”

She looked at me, her eyes reflecting the setting sun. “Ikaw.”

I laughed nervously, trying to lighten the mood. “Ako? Ano na naman tungkol sa’kin?”

She didn’t laugh. Instead, she squeezed my hand. “James, bakit parang lumalayo ka?”

Her words caught me off guard. “Anong ibig mong sabihin? Hindi naman ako lumalayo. Nandito lang ako, kasama mo.”

“Hindi, James,” she said, shaking her head. “I mean, parang may tinatago ka. Parang may hindi ka sinasabi.”

I looked away, the sound of the waves filling the silence between us. I didn’t know how to tell her. How do you explain that you’re scared? That every time I felt that heaviness in my chest or got dizzy from walking too fast, I feared it was something worse. Na baka sakitin talaga ako, na baka hindi lang ito pagod o sipon.

But I couldn’t tell her that. I didn’t want her to worry more than she already did.

“I’m fine, Fin,” I said, forcing a smile. “Walang problema, okay? Huwag mong isipin ‘yun.”

She stared at me for a long moment, as if searching for the truth in my eyes. “James, kaibigan mo ako, di ba? Hindi mo kailangan itago sa’kin kung may nararamdaman ka. Alam kong hindi lahat sinasabi mo.”

I sighed, feeling the weight of her words. She was right. I had been hiding it—not just from her, but from myself. I didn’t want to admit that something could be wrong with me. I didn’t want to accept that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t as strong as I pretended to be.

“Fin…” I started, but the words got stuck in my throat. “I’m scared.”

Her expression softened, and she shifted closer, resting her head on my shoulder. “I know,” she whispered. “Pero hindi mo kailangang harapin ‘yan mag-isa. Nandito ako. Lagi.”

For the first time in weeks, I let the fear slip out. “Minsan kasi... nahihirapan akong huminga. And I get dizzy. Akala ko dahil lang sa pagod, pero lately, parang lumalala.”

She sat up, her face full of concern. “James, kailangan mo magpatingin. Hindi ‘to normal. Ayoko namang isipin na...”

She didn’t finish her sentence, but I knew what she meant. We both knew. The silence between us became heavy again, pero this time, it wasn’t something we could ignore anymore.

“Pupunta tayo sa doktor,” she said firmly, holding my hand tighter. “Promise me, James.”

I nodded, feeling a lump form in my throat. “Promise.”

That night, as we sat there with the waves gently crashing at our feet, I realized something. No matter how much I tried to hide my fears, Finilene would always see through me. And no matter how scared I was, I wasn’t alone. She was my kaibigan, my love, and I couldn’t face this without her.

But deep inside, I wondered—would we be strong enough to face whatever was coming?