The Group Chat

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Dear Diary,

I am a freshman at Vassar University. I love my professors, especially my biology professor, even though he scares me. My mentor is very good looking, he's an orthopedic surgeon with biceps the size of grapefruits. One of my professors for my core English class is a woman who has a lot going on. I feel bad for her. The other day she told the class she was so sorry but she needed a few minutes to herself in the middle of class because she had "stuff going on with [her] kid." I wondered what kind of stuff. I hope he's alright.

So yeah, school is a lot of work. I don't think I expected anything else. But also I won't lie. I'm eighteen...I've never been to a party, never drank, never smoke, never been out past 11:00pm. A guy kissed me once. But that was it. I didn't like it that much even though the guy was nice. He was just a little awkward and I think it was his first time kissing anyone too.

I'm a good girl. But I want me a good manz. Wow I can't believe I wrote that on paper. But yeah, I need to find one asap. I won't settle though, I hated seeing the girls in my class during high school dating ugly guys with horrible personalities. I need me a smart, kind, caring, Christian man. It would be extra amazing if he was tall and had green or blue eyes and dark hair that he keeps gelled back. Oh—and you can't forget about culture. I want him to be European. European men just go for it! They aren't like American men, always waiting on the woman to do something and make a move. How ridiculous is that?

Anyway, I have to go do homework. Maybe next time I write an entry I'll have found my husband...

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