BALANCED LUCK

ten

⨯ brennan ⨯

The sound of a creaking floorboard is what finally pulls me out of my thoughts. I lift my head off my desk, pushing myself upright. My eyes are gritty with fatigue, and my neck feels still from being hunched over. I looked at the clock on the wall and see that its nearly midnight. I've been working all night again.

My office is dark and quiet, the only light coming from the flickering desk lamp. Papers and files are scattered all over my desk and the floor, a testament to my tireless work. I rub my eyes and try to focus, but my mind won't stop replaying the scene from earlier that night.

Clover. Seeing her again was like a punch to the gut. All the memories, all the emotions came rushing back in an instant. And for a moment, just a brief moment, I was transported back into time.

But then reality came crashing back down upon me. Clover wasn't mine anymore. She belonged to someone else, to some tattooed, brown-haired pretty boy.

I can feel a pang of jealousy in my chest, and I try to push it down. Who she's with is none of my business. I lost that right five and a half years ago.

But no matter how much I try to tell myself that, I can't shake the feeling of loss, of regret. I miss her. I miss her laugh, her smile, the way she always saw the best in me.

I look back down at the paperwork on my desk, but the numbers and words are just a blur. I can't focus. I can't think. All I can see is her face, her green eyes looking at me with a mixture of anger and hurt.

I let out a deep sigh and lean back in my chair, rubbing my temples with my hands. My head is pounding, and I know I need to get some rest, but the thought of going home is unbearable.

My house is empty and cold, a reminder of how alone I truly am. I haven't slept there in months, choosing instead to crash on a small couch in my office. It's not comfortable, but it's better than being alone with my thoughts.

I close my eyes and try to relax, but my mind is racing. All I can think about is Clover, and how things between us ended. The arguments, the harsh words, the silence that followed. It all replays in my head like a broken record.

I had been such a fool back then. I had taken her for granted, assuming that she would always be there for me, no matter what. But I was wrong. I pushed her away, hurt her, and then acted like it was her fault.

And now she was gone, and there was no going back. I had lost the best thing in my life, and it was all my own fault.

I open my eyes and look around the office, feeling the weight of my own loneliness bearing down on me. There's no one to talk to, no one to comfort me. The only sound is the ticking of the clock on the wall, counting down the seconds towards my inevitable downfall.

I'm an idiot. A complete, total idiot. That's the only word that comes to mind as I sit here in my cold, empty office. I've been running away from my feelings for too long, burying myself in work to avoid dealing with the consequences of my own actions. But now, facing the truth is unavoidable. I need to get my shit together.

Clover is the one for me. The one who makes me laugh, who pisses me off, who challenges me and understands me in ways no one else ever has. She's the one I should have fought for, the one I should have held onto with everything I had. But I didn't.

Instead, I pushed her away, took her for granted. I hurt her, and I just let her walk out of my life, thinking it would be easier that way. But it's not easier. It's torture.

I've been living like a damn ghost, just existing without any real purpose or feelings. And it's all my fault. There's no one to blame but myself.

I need to fix this. But how? How do I show Clover that I've changed, that I'm not the same man I was when we broke up? How do I prove that I'm worth a second chance?

I let out a frustrated breath and run my hands through my hair, feeling more lost than ever. But then, an idea starts to take shape in my mind. It's risky, it might not work. But it's worth a shot.