Dear Mello,

Dear Mello, I Love You

(AN: in this story Mello and Near were in love with each other before Mello left Wammy's and they were in a relationship. )

Near's P.O.V
"Near I came for my photo."
I couldn't look at him, I didn't want to see him not now when he was like this, so I focused on my toys always moving and doing everything I say. Most people are like that, they'll do anything I ask and everything fits together like a puzzle. But then there's Mello never doing what I say because he's trying to create a path for himself, trying so hard that he's destroying any chance at having one. I tossed the photo at him. He looked on the back and then back at me, the hate that had been pouring out of him disappearing. I could tell he wanted to know what I was going to say but he didn't ask because he's too proud.

'Dear Mello,' that's all that I had managed to write. I had wanted to write so much more but I couldn't, because I am weak and pitiful. I had sat there for hours trying to write how I felt and when I tried to put it to words I found that it wouldn't fit on the back of that old photograph. 

'Dear Mello,
You are my sweet poison. You will be the death of me. When you're near my heart stop working normally it speeds up  and I can barely breath. I feel like I'm drowning, drowning in you, in your scent, your feel, your touch, your sickly sweet lips, your words of love and even those of hate. God, you are driving me mad. You're a drug, a really bad one like heroine or meth and darling I'm addicted to the way you make feel. I was foolish, blinded by love I truly believed we had a chance, but we didn't why? Because of L. He pushed us farther and farther apart. Now do you understand? Do you understand why said the cruel things I did when he died? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, but what I said I truly meant. I always thought of L as a loser, I thought so low of him because of the way he made you feel. The way he made you feel like you were never good enough, like you needed to stop being yourself, to change to be loved. While L paid you no mind I admired everything you did to me you were and still are perfect in your own twisted way. You are my everything because you are the only one who can make me feel. I love and hate that about you. You and I were meant to be, we were set up to be twisted and pained soul mates because our goals, our intelligence and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you got sucked into the darkness, I saw it happen and I tried, I tried with all my might to save you but you can't save someone from themselves. So I had to watch, I had to watch you my love. I had to watch you beat yourself up over a grade lower than mine, to sink deeper into the lonely darkness. I tried to help you love yourself by giving you all my love but it wasn't enough because I'm to hidden in myself to be able to truly let you know just how much I love you and you were to far gone. I'm sorry that I messed up your plans but I needed those plans because if you were to become L's successor then I wouldn't have a path set up for me and that's what I needed it I never would have had a path at all. I'm sorry that I was selfish and I'm sorry that L never cared about what this was doing to you, I'm sorry that the world forgot you because you weren't first and that they left you alone with nothing to do with that big, beautiful brain of yours. And so you used it for evil instead of for justice like you wanted. When L died you left me and you didn't say goodbye. That's how I could tell you still loved me and that you still cared because you knew I wouldn't want you to see me like that crying and begging you to stay and work with me and not leave me all alone, you knew that I wouldn't want you to see me break down and I guess that's one of the many reasons our relationship was doomed we are both too proud. Thank you for that because I never did thank you. I miss you, I always will and I'm going to catch Kira not because I want to beat you but because I want you to no longer have something keeping you busy that way I can pull you out of this dark nightmare you're living in and bring you back to me because I'm selfish and because I love you.
                       Near'

Those words were never spoken and now they never will be. I know that I could have summed  it up in three words and you would have understood everything I was trying to say. All I had to write was 'I love you' but like I said before I'm too proud. As you left I watched you in the surveillance camera, I paused the screen when I got a good shot of you and I made everybody leave the room so that I could look at you. Your face had a giant scar, you were wearing all black, tight leather which actually did look quite good on you but it was dark, you looked like another shadow working the under world and finally I looked at your stunning sapphire eyes. Your eyes were cold, you were gone. I fell to the floor in sobs at seeing you because I knew and I saw what I was terrified to see. I knew that that was the last time I would ever see you.      

AN: okay so that was my first ever fanfiction. Did you like it? Hate it? Either way I enjoyed writing bc I felt like 'Dear Mello' on the back of his photo wasn't enough for me and my fan girl heart. I hope you enjoyed it
                    -Mei💜