When You Loved Me

Chapter 4

I didn't invite Callie and Xavier out together for a while after our day at the mall–but each day I noticed them slowly grow more open to the other. It started with subtle acknowledgments, progressed to friendly greetings, and flourished into the three of us walking the halls together at the end of the day.

It felt the closest to pure harmony we'd ever had and I was overjoyed. At this rate, we'd be a full-fledged trio just in time for my birthday. I didn't want a huge party as long as I could spend the day with them.

They were my favorite people.

Callie and I were leaving biology, headed towards the cafeteria as always. When we saw Xavier waiting by the lunch table, I noticed Callie smile. She'd been smiling a lot lately.

"Hi, Am, hi, Callie," he greeted. "How was bio?"

"Great," I replied. Callie nodded in response.

Glancing at the clock, Xavier stated, "You guys got out a little early. There's still six minutes of passing period."

We both looked at Callie, who subsequently checked the time, as well. "Huh, I guess so. Maybe I'll wait in line with you guys for a bit, then."

I struggled to hide my excitement at her statement but, honestly, who could blame me? She wanted to spend her extra time with us. She didn't say, "I'll wait in line with you," she said, "you guys." Both of us.

Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as I imagined it to be, but that didn't change how happy I was at that moment.

"Did you guys see that My Chemical Romance is back?" I asked as we chatted casually in the cafeteria line.

"Of course, who didn't?" Xavier replied sarcastically. "Dude, it broke the Internet."

"Hey," Callie jumped in. "Maybe I didn't."

The two turned their focus to each other, cutting me out for just a moment.

"What, you don't have any Internet access?" he teased.

She smiled again at him, replying "Who are you to judge?"

I watched from the sidelines, absentmindedly cracking my knuckles. It was a habit I formed years ago, a way of busying myself when I wasn't being addressed.

"You call yourself alternative but you don't even know that My Chem is back."

"Now you're assuming my choice of style? Damn, Xavier, didn't know you were like that."

Then they both laughed and it felt like the prick of a needle in my skull. They were getting along, joking around, and teasing each other. It hurt.

I wasn't hurt because they locked me out of their conversation for a few seconds, I was just hurt that the relationship between them was starting to look like ours.

When only one minute remained of the passing period, Callie said quick goodbyes to both of us and rushed off to her classroom.

Xavier looked at me, the subtlest spark of pure joy in his eyes. I smiled at him but said nothing.

My feelings were eating me up inside and I didn't know how to stop it. I didn't even know why I felt it at all.

This was everything I had hoped for...so why was I bitter? They were both my friends and I knew they cared about me the same. Why do I feel this way?

Something in me felt jealous. Initially, I thought I was defending Xavier but it soon became clear that I was really jealous over Callie.

I felt more possessive of her than Xavier. It wasn't a great feeling.