The Eyes Beyond My Face

You vs You

Now, Amber found herself standing at the threshold of something new—a version of herself she had never fully explored. She was redefining who she had once known herself to be, weighing that against the person her choices had presented to the world. But a thought nagged at her: Wasn't this happening all along? Hadn't every step she taken, every struggle and victory, been part of some larger plan? She had gained wisdom along the way, a deeper understanding of her purpose and her value. Maybe this is all part of the plan, she internalized, letting the idea settle for a while.

"Get back on track," she muttered to herself, breaking her own spiral of over-analysis. She smiled and added playfully, "You don't have to figure out everything, you know."

Amber had recently made a huge investment—into herself. After years of suppressing her desires and dreams, she was now exploring the endless possibilities of working from her computer or phone. The opportunities were thrilling—digital products, online courses, coaching, e-books, content creation. She could practically taste the freedom this new direction could offer her. Endless potential, endless creativity.

But as exciting as it was, Amber was also faced with an equally endless foe—self-doubt. It crept in during the quiet moments, whispering that she wasn't ready, that she wasn't enough. The fear of not knowing enough, of being inexperienced, lingered at the back of her mind. Her shyness in front of the camera, the old wounds of not being heard, still haunted her. It didn't matter that deep down, she knew the power her voice and words carried. She knew that, if she truly stepped into her calling, she could free so many other young women—maybe even people beyond her expectations.

But knowing it didn't always mean believing it. She had spent so many years staying silent, hiding behind other people's problems, that using her own voice now felt both empowering and terrifying. Could she truly help others find freedom when she was still learning to embrace her own?

Amber sat back in her chair, fingers resting on the keyboard, a blank document open before her. She stared at the screen, a sea of possibility, and felt the familiar ache of hesitation. What if I'm not good enough? the doubt whispered again.

But this time, Amber took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and whispered a prayer, surrendering her doubts to the only One who could carry them. She had tried to save herself for so long—now it was time to trust that God would lead her, even when the path felt uncertain.

Amber scrolled through her phone, starting off with the best of intentions. She only wanted a few content creation ideas—just a little inspiration. But what began as productive research quickly morphed into something else entirely. Before she knew it, she was caught in the trap of mindless scrolling. One creator after another, each profile more perfect than the last. Beautifully curated feeds, seamless videos, flawless aesthetics. Did they even struggle to get here? she wondered bitterly. Does anyone show you how to do anything anymore without asking you to pay for their course or download their e-book?

She could feel her thoughts twisting, becoming heavier with each swipe. The comparison burned in her chest, morphing into judgment—something she knew was unkind, but there it was, nonetheless. She sighed, feeling the burden of her own criticisms weighing her down. Who am I to judge another person's success? she questioned herself, but the controlling thoughts had already begun to fester.

That familiar need to control, to have all the answers, began to rise within her. It was always lurking beneath the surface, ready to throw her off course just when she felt she was getting closer to her purpose. This time was no different. She had just spent quiet time with God, drawing strength from the peace that surrender brought. But here she was, already feeling that strength slipping away, overpowered by insecurity and the urge to measure herself against others.

The doubt crept back in, insidious and persistent. Maybe I'm not cut out for this after all. The defeated mindset settled in, pulling her further from the vision she had for herself. With a frustrated huff, Amber tossed everything off her work area—her notebook, laptop, pens—scattering them across the table. She had started the morning with so much clarity and focus, but now... now she just felt empty.

With nothing left to do but walk away, she headed to the kitchen to distract herself with breakfast, hoping that maybe food could fill the void that comparison and self-doubt had left behind.

But as she poured cereal into her bowl, something inside her stirred. A quiet reminder. This isn't you. This defeated, comparison-driven version of herself wasn't the woman she had grown into—the woman who had chosen to surrender control and walk in faith.

Amber closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew she was letting herself slip, letting old habits dictate her thoughts. She could feel God pulling her back, urging her to release the comparison, the need for control, and focus on her unique path.

Maybe she wasn't where those other creators were, but that wasn't the point. She had her own journey, her own voice, and she knew—deep down—that her purpose was unfolding in ways she couldn't always see.