sin? or love?

Chapter 2. Jasmine quinn

10 years ago

.........

Everyone knew I was gay. Some gave me the homophobic stares, and some were giving me the I don't care, you're so fucking hot stare. I did not mind actually. I am used to the stares ever since I came out, which was 3 years ago. 

I don't care though. I am a proud fucking masc lesbian who's a 5'11 and loves wearing black. Yeah, I perfectly fit the masc stereotype but oh well. When my parents found out I was gay, my mom was not surprisingly supportive. She loved me so much, she still does. However, my dad and I lost our beautiful relationship. He called me a demon.

Yes. He was deeply religious so as my mom, but he treated me like I am some monster all because I have accepted who I am. So, fuck Yeah, daddy issues are definitely on my box. I mean I did expect him to not be supportive, but I did not expect him to kick my mother and I out the house 3 years ago and demanded a divorce from her.

Till this day I still blame myself for the reason of my family's separation. We could have been a happy family if only I did not fucking spill "I am lesbian" during Christmas dinner with all my cousins and aunts and uncles. The silence was so loud. My aunts and dad were ashamed but my cousins, my mother and uncles thought it was cool.

That night was the day I lost a very fond relationship with my dad. The one every daughter wished to have with their fathers. That night I lost a father. He became a dad but not a father that day onwards. Until this day. he never visits or call, just pays for my school fees and child support. Fuck.

I won't lie, sometimes I missed him especially every Father's Day and father daughter dance every year.  And, when I look at my mom, I could tell she misses him too, but she won't admit it. The guilt will always linger down my stomach.

I snapped back into reality finding myself walking into class smirking at two "straight" girls that couldn't stop blushing. We were in Mrs. Jones 'class so I searched for my desk until my eyes land on a beautiful brown skin that shone under the morning gold hour and black tied up black braids in a nice ponytail that landed beautifully on her white sundress. She had amber eyes that glowed like honey in the sun with glossed lips. I snapped back into reality and find my way to sit next to her, Gracie Johnson.

Monica gave me her number. Monica's my Neighbour and goofy childhood best friend, she's close with almost everyone and I assume she sent me Gracie's number because she knew who I was sitting with. How refreshing isn't it? Making friends. I wonder how close Gracie and Monica are though but that's another question for another day.

"Hey" I said tossing my bag by my slide as I sat next to her. I watched her turned to face me and her smile blossom. Her smile reminded me of the beautiful golden sunset I see every day at 5pm. It was like magic. The smile was contagious that a small smile spread across my cheeks. "Hi...you're Jasmine right?" her voice was soft and sweet I could almost ta- I cleared my throat before I completed that thought, so I just ran my hand through my hair.

"Yeah, Monica gave me your number, I am pretty sure I mentioned it right?" My eyes couldn't move away from her as I watched every detail about her. My eyes slowly fell on her bouncing leg before she cleared her throat.

"Yeah...you did, so we share the same subjects..." she started clicking her pen which matched the pace of her bouncing leg, but I did not bother to do anything since it wasn't my business.

"Yeah" was all I could offer before Mrs. jones entered the class. Disappointment sank into my chest for some weird reason. It was as if I wanted to continue the conversation with her. Something about her introvert personality intrigued me. I shrugged it off and my eyes went back on Mrs. Jones.

"Welcome to year 11, I am Mrs. jones your form teacher and I will be helping you guide through your school year by informing you about different school events, sports events and admin about your overall work. So, trust me when I say you are in good hands" Mrs. Jones 'voice boomed across the room as she clasped her hands and pacing the room.

While she continued yapping, my eyes fell on Gracie's legs. It was still bouncing. Was she nervous? Was she ok? My eyes went on her face for a moment searching for any signs of anxiety or something, but she looked calm. Was she deceiving everyone? Too many questions for a classmate I just met.

"You, okay?" My voice was hoarser than I tended to be as my eyes went back to Mrs. jones. From the corner of my eyes. I could feel her gaze on me. "Uhm...yeah, sorry are my legs bothering you" Gracie's voice was as soft as a whisper. I raised my eyebrow and then looked at her. Her amber eyes avoided my eyes as she chewed her lips and stopped bouncing it as she squeezed her bottom dress and looked at Mrs. jones who was still yapping.

I wonder why she felt the need to apologize. I brushed it off as class finally ended and it was time for our next class, which I am sure it's math. I sighed and took my bag and tossed it over my shoulder. I planned to go with Gracie but before I spoke, she bolted out the classroom pretty quick.

What the fuck?

I hesitated to follow her but then Monica and Kai came by my side. Kai was Monica's boyfriend. He was the same height as me so we both liked provoking Monica. She was a good 5'5 just an inch shorter than Gracie. Gracie... "We have math next!" Monica smiled widely as she came jumping by my side. I patted her head. She was my small minion, and I would protect her, I will protect her from any shitheads that would hurt her, includding kai.

Let's hope I don't have to beat up another bastard this time. "Yeah unfortunately" I sighed as I tiled my head back for a moment. "Holy shit dude, you look distracted" Kai bumped my elbow with his. I rolled my eyes and ran a hand through my short silky black hair. "

While we all entered class, my thoughts were just on her. For some reason, I needed to know if Gracie was okay. 10 minutes in maths, I excused myself to attend the bathroom. The hallway was quiet and two girls who blushed at my presence giggled among themselves and left the bathroom.

I walked at each stall until Gracie left the fourth stall. She stilled when we made eye contact.

"Are you-" I stepped closer.

"I am fine" She snapped and walked to wash her hands.

I couldn't really see her hands as her jacket mostly covered it.

"You bolted out of class-

"I said I am fine. thank you for your concern but it's really not your business"

My nose flared as I swallowed hard.

I wanted to speak but I kept quiet and masked my emotions with a cold exterior. She probably needs space, so I just turned around and walked off not nodding or anything. I left her where I found her as I went back in class and sat with Kai. I refused for Kai and Monica to sit with each other since they will distract themselves.

another 5 minutes passed, and Gracie entered class. She looked fragile and very vulnerable. I clenched my jaw. I wanted to destroy anything that disturbed her peace.  She got yelled by the maths teacher but sat next to Monica, a desk in front of kai and opposite mines.  As we exchanged eye contact, I did not break my icy expression, but her soft eyes looked apologetic and regretful.

I looked back at the lecturer and for the remaining of the day I wondered what could possibly ruin the spark I saw in her eyes earlier today.