My Husband's Twin/ Jimmy and Jey Uso

Not Ready

Upon discovering my pregnancy yesterday, I made the decision to terminate it. Right now, I'm not prepared for the responsibilities of parenthood; I need to focus on getting my life in order. While at home, I reached out to Brie, asking if she could accompany me to the clinic. She readily agreed but wanted to confirm if I was truly certain about my choice. I assured her that I was and then ended the call.

I stepped out of my house and slid into the sleek interior of my black 2019 Dodge Challenger, setting my sights on Brie's place. As I cruised down the road, my phone buzzed with a call from Jonathan. I answered, curious about what he had in mind. He wanted to know if we could get together later that evening, mentioning he had something special lined up for us. I agreed, letting him know I'd be all set by 9:30 PM.

I arrived at Brie's house. I parked in driveway and blowed the horn, telling her to hurry up. Her husband Bryan came out the house, and yelled, "Hold on! She's putting on her shoes." I let my window down and thanked him. Bryan gave me a thumbs up and shut the screen door. Brie came out with her purse and shades and hopped in the front seat and put on her seatbelt. 

I backed out of her driveway and hit the road toward the clinic, my phone synced to Bluetooth, blasting upbeat 80s pop tunes. The familiar synth beats filled the car, a stark contrast to the turmoil swirling in my mind. Brie, sitting in the passenger seat, quickly lowered the volume and turned to me, her expression serious, cutting through the music like a knife. "Are you really sure about going through with the abortion?" she asked, her voice steady but laced with concern. I met her gaze, searching for the right words, and replied, "Honestly, I think it's the best choice to avoid any more drama." "Drama!?" Brie exclaimed, her eyebrows shooting up in disbelief, clearly taken aback by my nonchalant tone. "I know it's not my place, but you really should consider telling Jon or... Josh."

I sighed, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on my chest like a heavy blanket. The thought of involving either of them made my stomach churn. "I can't even tell if the baby is Josh's or Jon's," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "If it's Josh's, I don't want to carry it to term. If it's Jon's, I might keep it since he always wanted a child. But with our divorce looming, I can't handle raising a kid alone." Frustration crept into my voice, and I could feel the tension in the car thickening. Brie shifted in her seat, her expression softening as she processed my words. "I get that it's complicated, but you have to think about what you really want. This isn't just about avoiding drama; it's about your life and your future."

I clenched the steering wheel, the rubbery grip grounding me in the moment. "I know, but every time I think about it, I just feel more lost. I never planned for any of this. I thought I had my life figured out, and now everything feels like a mess." Brie nodded, her eyes searching mine for understanding. "It's okay to feel that way. You're facing a huge decision, and it's normal to be scared. But you need to give yourself the space to think it through. Have you even considered what it would mean to keep the baby, regardless of who the father is?" I shook my head, the thought too overwhelming to entertain. "I can't even imagine it. I mean, I love kids, but I always pictured myself as a mom in this situation. 

As I drove into the Clinic's parking lot, a wave of anxiety washed over me. I inhaled deeply three times, trying to steady my nerves. Brie leaned over from the front seat, wrapping her arms around me in a warm embrace. She whispered softly in my ear, "It's alright, Nicole. I get what you're going through. There's no judgment here; I'm here for you, completely." Despite her comforting presence, I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I let out a sob, the sound echoing in the confines of the car as Brie held me tightly, offering solace. When I finally pulled away from her embrace, she gently wiped my tears away with her hands, her kindness a balm for my troubled heart.

We stepped out of the car and entered the clinic, making our way to the waiting area. There were just three teenagers sitting there, their faces a mix of anxiety and anticipation. I approached the front desk and informed the receptionist of my purpose for being there. She handed me some forms to complete regarding the procedure, and I took a seat next to Brie. I understood that, according to the Bible, abortion is considered a sin, but I firmly believed in my right to make choices about my own body. After filling out the paperwork, I rummaged through my purse for my debit card and returned to the front desk to settle the payment and submit the forms. Once back with Brie, she reassured me that she would stay by my side, waiting in the waiting room until I was done. I smiled at her, grateful for her support, and settled in, waiting for my name to be called.

"Nicole Fatu!" the nurse called out, breaking the tense silence that had settled over the waiting room like a thick fog. I rose from my chair, my heart pounding in my chest, feeling Brie wrap her arms around me once more. Her embrace was warm and reassuring, a moment of comfort in the midst of the storm swirling inside me. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, before I reluctantly followed the nurse into the back. As I stepped into one of the sterile rooms, the clinical smell of antiseptic filled my nostrils, and I braced myself for what was to come—the procedure to remove the fetus growing inside me. The starkness of the room, with its bright lights and cold surfaces, only heightened my anxiety. "Please remove your pants and lie back on the bed," the nurse instructed gently, her voice calm and professional. I complied, my hands trembling slightly as I settled onto the cool surface, the chill of the bed contrasting sharply with the warmth of my emotions. I spread my legs apart, feeling exposed and vulnerable. 

he nurse prepared a vacuum device, her movements efficient and practiced. She glanced at me, her expression softening as she reassured me to relax. "It's going to be okay," she said, though she warned that I might experience some pain and discomfort. I nodded, trying to focus on her words, but my mind was racing. Taking a deep breath, I felt a wave of emotion wash over me, a mixture of fear, sadness, and a strange sense of relief. As she began the procedure, the pain hit me like a tide, rising and falling, each wave more intense than the last. I closed my eyes, willing myself to breathe through it, to find a place of calm amidst the chaos. After what felt like an eternity, the nurse completed the task, her movements precise and clinical. She disposed of the fetus with a practiced indifference that struck me as both unsettling and necessary. It was over, but the weight of what had just happened settled heavily on my chest. She informed me that I could expect some pain and bleeding in the days ahead, handing me three pads for the journey. I took them numbly, my mind still reeling from the experience.

As I stepped out of the room, the fluorescent lights flickering overhead, I made my way back to the waiting area. The moment I entered, Brie opened her arms wide, and I fell into her embrace, tears streaming down my face. I felt the warmth of her hug. I gave her my car keys for her to drive my car and take me home. 

As Brie took the wheel of my car, a wave of relief washed over me. I had made the choice to have an abortion, a decision I believed would spare me from future complications. "Hey, I'll crash at your place until Bryan swings by to pick me up in our car. I know you're not feeling great and probably don't want to deal with Birdie and Buddy right now," Brie said, her light laughter breaking the heaviness in the air. I returned her smile, chuckling softly, assuring her that I didn't mind at all. We pulled into my driveway and stepped inside. I headed upstairs to my bedroom, seeking a moment of rest. Brie followed closely, her presence a comforting balm. As I lay there, she checked in on me, offering support until Bryan arrived to take her home. That day, I came to understand that my decision to have an abortion was ultimately for the best, and I felt a sense of determination to keep it a secret from Jonathan.