☆ halcyon girl - five ☆

☆ chapter 5 ☆

tw- self harm

Sunday came and I couldn't control my happiness. The night before, we'd discussed the plan. I was just going to his house to play video games. I had never played a video game in my life but I agreed nonetheless. The weather was getting colder so I put on a chunky black knit sweater and some straight leg jeans. I put on my normal makeup and looked in my full length mirror.

Something looked wrong with me. My thighs were too wide. My stomach jutted out and you could tell even with my jeans. My boobs were D cups but it did not look good on me because of how chubby I was. I sighed. My face looked weird, too. My lips were thin and my eyebrows were too low on my face. I had been skipping meals lately but there was no difference. I guess I had to keep going. Dylan probably thought I was ugly, too.

It was almost time for me to leave. I decided to do something I hadn't done in a while. In my bathroom, hidden under the sink, I pulled out an empty altoid box. Inside, I had my razors. I held my arm over the sink, rolled up my sleeve, and pressed the blade against my skin a few times. It stung, but only for a second before the blood started to drip. I nonchalantly ran my wrist under the faucet, staring at the pink water as it fell down the drain. I collected myself along with my phone and my wallet before heading back to my room and sitting on my bed, my heart pounding with anxiety.

Moments later, the doorbell rang. I sprinted downstairs to the door but my mom beat me to it, swinging it open and greeting Dylan.

When I gingerly entered the room, my mom was sitting on the arm of a chair and Dylan was awkwardly standing toward the entry. As I entered, his eyes flicked to me and My mom stood up and brushed off her thighs.

"You two have fun! Be safe!" she called. I silently cursed her for it as I followed Dylan out to his car.

Things didn't stay awkward as the two of us joked around and listened to whatever he was playing on the radio. A lot of it wasn't much of my style, but I was fine with it when I was around him. By myself, I always concentrated on the notes, the words, the keys, everything. When I was with Dylan, everything seemed to fade except for him.

We pulled up to his house that I was somewhat familiar with. There were no other cars in the garage or the driveway, meaning we were alone. He led me inside and we sat on his couch again.

"Wanna watch a movie?" he asked me.

"Sure, what do you have?" He sprung up and flipped through a stack, pulling one out.

"How about Jurassic Park?" he offered.

"Alright," I picked at my fingernails as I watched him kneeling down to put the VHS tape into his TV. He pressed a few buttons to make the movie play before he came back and sat next to me, closer than he sat the first time we hung out.

Several hours passed. The two of us watched Jurassic Park, then the newer movie in the series. The whole time, I found myself admiring him through my peripheral vision. He was wearing a plain grey boxy tee shirt that hung off of his shoulders. After the movie ended, it was dark out. My stomach had been growling for the last twenty minutes, much to my embarrassment.

"Okay, do you want to get some food? We can have something delivered, or go out, whatever you want." He adjusted his seating and looked at me. I was nervous about eating in front of him for whatever stupid reason, but I went along with it anyways.

"Whatever you want is fine," I replied. He nodded.

"We could always just go to McDonald's or something," he suggested.

"Sure, why not?"

The two of us piled into his car and drove down to McDonald's. Dylan played Gish in the car and I stared out the window, my heart beating like crazy.

We pulled up to McDonald's and Dylan parked his car. The two of us went inside and walked up to the counter. Dylan let me order first.

"Hi can I get a chicken sandwich and a bottle of water?" The cashier pressed a few buttons and looked back up to me. I fished threw my pockets to get my money but Dylan pushed my aside.

"Don't worry, I'll pay," he said. He started speaking to the cashier before I could protest.

Later, the two of us were sitting in a booth. Dylan had ordered a quarter pounder meal and was drinking soda. I was quietly eating my chicken sandwich, trying not to chew too loud, knowing I'd regret the high calorie meal later.

"So what are your plans for your birthday?" I asked him shyly. He swallowed his food and looked up at me.

"I'm probably just gonna get dinner with my parents and not much else."

"Okay, well what do you want for your birthday?" I put down my sandwich and propped my elbows up onto the table, resting my chin in my hand.

He blushed. "Oh, I don't know. People don't get me gifts really, outside of my family that is. And even then, it's usually just money or something," he replied. I nodded.

I was making a list of possible gifts in my head. I was determined to make this the best birthday of his life. I decided to give him his gift on his actual birthday and just have everyone else gift him at the party. Speaking of the party, I'd gotten a few of the people from the lunch table to come. Eric was definitely coming and he said he'd pick up the pizzas. Everything was working out well.

Dylan and I finished eating. We threw our stuff away and got into the car. He was going to drive me home.

I watched him as he drove. He was a really good driver. He was watching the road so intently.

"Hey, thanks for paying for my food. It means a lot," I told him softly.

"No problem."

I wanted him to say more but he never did.

Finally, we arrived back at my house. I didn't want the night to end, but my mother was waiting for me. I was ready to leap out of the car when Dylan opened his door and came over to hold mine open. I blushed and got out, making eye contact with him. He walked me to my door.

"Bye, Dylan," I said, turning to him.

I barely had time to react before he engulfed me in another hug. I was comically shorter than him, so all I could see at that point was his black tee shirt. I didn't mind. I hugged him back. We stayed there for a few seconds, probably too long if you ask me. He pulled away at last, even though I wished he hadn't.

"Bye, Lily. See you around." He gave me a wave and walked back down to his car. I watched him start it up but he didn't leave. He was waiting for me to go inside. It took me some time to process before I opened up the front door and stepped in, watching him pull away from the window.