Beneath / Small Town

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Wattpad's tagging system is very weird. Please check tags, this story contains things like: Light/Heavy mentions of Suicide, Light/Heavy Talks of Violence, Light/Severe Mentions of Homophobia (Internalised and whatnot), and other triggering things may be mentioned. I may not be able to express what might occur within each chapter, so please be wary or do not read this if any of the things above bother you. Thank you <3
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23/02/20XX
I don’t want to fathom the idea of why I have to talk about this within some random journal that Dom gifted me for my birthday, or why I’m even here in the first place; I already know the answer to that. I was made from the deities as a sign of the indescribable hatred that lies in this world, and how the only important part about me is that I’m Firebrand’s grandson. Life is too short for someone to even care if I’m the relative of a mighty deity. Sure, grandad is cool and all, but for fuck’s sake stop associating me with the guy, because I’m pretty sure I am my own person. Everyone thinks I’m a broken machine that has to be fixed ever since mum and dad divorced, leaving my brother and I in the hands of grandad. 
 
I already hate this. Not even the first page and those sick fucks somehow found a way into being engraved into this book. Dom said it was a way to take out all my emotions, but how can I take them out when the only thing that made me so emotional and the equivalent of a goddamn statue has found a way into what was meant to be a ‘safe place’? 
Soon I’ll start school. Real school, like whatever they put on TV shows and stuff which are meant to be relatable for all hormonal teens who are just trying to get through their last few years of catastrophe but can’t cope so they turn to the one thing that they can think of. Thinking about it makes me feel sick, especially since I was comfortable enough about learning from home. I’ve learned enough; I’m fluent in Playground and Thieves’ Den’s languages, and can speak a bit of Blackrock and Lost Temple’s, but apparently according to grandad-Firebrand, I haven’t. He said “There’s so much to learn within your life, Valk! Take the opportunity as it is!”. Unable to argue with him, I just suck it up and bear it, but I’m very sure I could survive in Blackrock with my slurred and unintelligible language. I’m 17 and have the whole Inpherno to see, so don’t act like I wasted my entire life trying to figure out how to educate myself on random aspects of whatever, because I really haven’t. The only thing that’s concerning is how I’m going to survive for school. I haven’t spoken in a while, my voice is probably as cracked and broken as a bonfire, and I have no social life other than the one I have with relatives. My great aunties and uncle deities that visit and then go bothering me about random questions. “Have you started talking yet?” One asks, and then they continue.
 
“Have you been feeling better?” 
 
“Is everything alright?”

“Do you need something?” I don’t know so SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

02/03/20XX
 
Describing today is like trying to get someone to open up after they bottled their thoughts for five decades. They wouldn’t understand where to start, how to word it, what to say. I think I feel the same way about that, except it’s just the fact that I DO KNOW how to describe it, but I don’t feel like saying anything. Dom felt so proud of me for finally deciding to get out of my shell without refusing. He helped me pack my bag with all the books and other things I needed, and even decided to buy some of my favorite snacks earlier. I love him, I really do, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to show it. I don’t know if I can ever show the appreciation that I have for him and it makes me feel so guilty because he’s genuinely a nice younger brother, and doesn’t deserve a tantrum-throwing asshole of an older brother like me. Makes me wonder how I ended up in a boat where Dom has more common sense than I do, which is hilarious considering how I used to be a lot smarter than him, academically wise. I never was the best at emotional, and now I guess I’m shittier at academics since I’ve dropped behind.
 
During lunch, some random guy (who I’m sure is in a grade below me) approached me and just started talking about the strangest things ever. He kept looking back at his friends as if it were some sort of joke, but his tone seemed so genuine that I didn’t know if he was just messing with me for whatever reason or really wanted me to be his friend. I couldn’t tell, mainly due to the fact that I wasn’t paying attention to a single word he was babbling on about. Some things about music and instruments and whatever- it’s all stuff I’m also interested in, but I never thought that being intimidated by someone heavily would evoke my chances of ever speaking to them. He looked really nice too, and I can’t stop thinking about it which I fucking hate, considering the fact he probably wanted to make a fool out of me. His horns were this cool lime color, and the weird glowing circles on his visor just look so nice, I don’t know how to describe it. They aren’t even his real eyes- I don’t know what’s attracting me to them, but I just feel the need to stare into them. He handed me some sort of item after his long rant about fuck-all, something about some sort of hang out. Yay to me for somehow reconnecting into society, but it’s probably due to the fact he might’ve recognised me from some sort of weird event that grandpa-Firebrand made me attend like months ago or something. Unspoken fame feels crazy sometimes. 
 
On the way home I saw a corner shop I used to go to all the time with Dom as a kid. We begged our dad to buy us sweets and got upset every time he refused to do so since we already finished the last pack he had gotten us. It made me feel a bit queasy in the stomach, unsure how to process it. Sometimes I wish life was still as easy as how it used to be.
 
04/03/20XX
 
School’s just the same as how it is when I was homeschooled. I don’t even understand why my grandad tried to convince me to go here. It's just as annoying and painful, now with the addition of loud noises alongside it. I can’t stop thinking about that guy and his stupid gift. I saw him today and he followed me around for a short while, and he even helped me find one of my classes. I really, really want to try and be his friend, but I don’t know how. He started small talk with me for a short while, yet it was cut off by the bell which pissed me off horribly. My mouth might be glued shut, but my voice still wishes to tear the world apart and scream as loud as possible. 
I can’t do this anymore, I hope they never make me leave my home ever again.
 
I looked at the item Mr.‘I-approach-random-people-and-talk-to-them’ gave me, and it was a small origami crane. It took everything within me to try and not crush it, because somehow it didn’t turn into nothing after spending an entire night in the depths of my bag. I guess it was a nice gift, but definitely weird to give to people you don’t know out of nowhere. 
I’m tired, Dom still isn’t home. He said he was going grocery shopping. I offered to come, but he stopped me the moment I put on my shoes. “I can do this myself, Valk. You just rest, okay?” He said, before disappearing into the misty world beyond. I hope he’s alright, he should be since he has a driving license and most likely took the car with him, but I still get worried. 
 
He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. I’m sure of it.

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Finally publishing on Wattpad for you guys to experience the fun too. Here 'ya go.