Beneath / Small Town

4

02/04/20XX
I haven’t written this in a while. I wonder if Dom would get upset at me for that? 
Maybe he’d appreciate it, since it’d be some sorta sign of me improving. 
 
Why do I even call him ‘Dom’ in this? It’s not like I’m narrating to a hopeless crowd of sorrows. Fake names really screw you over, but I guess it’s some way to at least hide your identity, but I’m pretty sure everyone knows my real name anyway.
Mega’s been a bit sick lately, so I’ve been trying to help him out as much as possible. Grandpa Firebrand sent me and him a letter each. Here’s what mine said:
 
‘Mic,
It has been a while since I’ve seen you, my grandson. I promise I will try to get my business sorted and come home soon. Mega has been telling me about how you’re feeling, I’m ecstatic to know about your improvement! Soon, I’ll try to enroll him into your school so you’re not so alone. I understand things must be hard for you, but I promise that I’ll do my best to help out. 
If you need anything, make sure to write back, OK?
Grandpa Firebrand’.
 
I don’t know what to think of it. Does he know about the rumors? I’d assume he does. I’d assume he knows everything about what’s been happening, everything I write in here. Having a deity as a relative isn’t easy, since you can’t hide any secrets from him. My secret to the world?
 
I probably might kill myself. I don’t think I’m getting better, but oh well.
 
There’s a bunch of candy wrappers in my room. Mega keeps asking me how they get there, but he hasn’t realized that everytime he tries to get a response out of me, I’m not going to answer. Or not anymore. My voice has disappeared into a faraway land, and I do not think it will return. He will ask someday, “Has it truly affected you that much to the point where you won’t talk to me anymore?” and I can only respond with a nod. Yes, Megaphone. It has unfortunately led me to this point, and I will forever miss the young, innocent boy who wasn’t aware of the disaster coming after him. I will forever miss the ecstatic teen who was ready to explore the world, and sing for people on stage. I will forever miss the person I was a year ago, before all of this happened. 15 year old me would sob at the sight of me, and I can’t change the ruckus of the thunder that will follow after, caused by her his madness.
 
How greatly have Boombox’s habits influenced me! I’m now sitting here, half a pack of sour strips beside me, and I watch as they slowly disappear bit by bit whilst I violently tear away at the flesh of the sweet with my sharp teeth. God, I fucking hate him for that. In the process of reconnecting with society, I’ve lost myself.
 
Do I want that to happen again? No. I’ll distance myself from everyone if it means that I can stay in my own bubble and achieve the things that I want to achieve.
 
Society doesn’t like me. I think that they think I should return to the hospital. I haven’t talked about the hospital yet, but it wasn’t that bad for my time there. My doctor was a nice man, whom I’m sure was called Dr.Medkit or something on the lines of that. I wonder if the school knew about that? They know about how I’ve been for the last thirteen/fourteen months, so maybe they are aware. 
 
Boombox keeps trying to talk to me. I don’t know why, but I think I’m pushing him away. He still sits with me under the bridge. We don’t share words, not like I’d contribute anything anyway. Why do I feel so…awful about that? I didn’t like him at the start, and now I’m pissed and upset about the thought of him straying further away from me, our connection turning into nothing. I’ve noticed he’s been chewing away at candy a lot more frequently now, hopefully he’s okay.
 
04/04/20XX
Everyone in school is annoying, but that’s OK. For English, we had to split up into groups to make a presentation, which I didn’t feel like doing. I feel awful since English was a subject I used to be brilliant at, but now I have no idea where I stand. Some random group of people took me in, and just told me that if I didn’t feel like doing anything, I could just stand there and look pretty, occasionally switching the slides for them. Sounded like a fair idea.
 
But there's something from today that’s stuck in the back of my mind which won’t leave my head. I thought it’d be a good idea to probably go and visit Boombox, since I had not much to do, but when he opens the door, his face is covered in tears!
 
He acted so normal about it too, and just invited me in. “Do you want anything? Chicken noodles, maybe a drink or something?” He offered, but I just stared at him like he had three heads. Couldn’t you if it were my silence or not, but he just sighed and began boiling water over the stove.  The moment he sat down in front of me, it just started going south. Boombox was explaining all these different things and problems which wrapped around my head and didn’t at the same time, every word filled with misery. He told me about how there’s nobody to talk to, and he can still feel the guilt resting on his body. Then he got up again, poured the noodles into two separate plates after stirring them, then broke down! 
 
I felt like an awful demon just sitting there, unable to comfort him with words. I did the most I could, cautiously holding him whilst his knees dropped to the kitchen floor beneath us. Gosh, I wonder where his guardian was. Was it in relation to them? I don’t know but I held his wrists and they were so so cold but every time he shifted his position, moving himself closer to me during the process, it kept getting warmer and warmer. 
 
Eventually I stood up, helping him, and we just sat at the dining table, two lukewarm bowls of noodles in front of us. I wasn’t hungry, and Boombox didn’t seem too starved himself, stirring the food around with his fork. I don’t remember what else happened, but I’m pretty sure that when I was leaving, he leaned in and told me something. Fuck if I remember what it was, but his face was so damn close to mine that I just lost my train of thought, close enough for me to feel his breath on my face, or for (I guess) us to kiss. Eugh.
 
I’m home again. Mega was asleep, arms and legs spread out on the couch. He looked like he was already ascending to the next realm. How do people sleep in such funny positions? I just sleep like I’m a wax statue.
 
Talking about sleep, it’s 12, so I might just finish this for the night.
 
17/04/20XX
Got another letter,
‘Mic,
Will be coming home tomorrow night. Excited to see you and Megaphone. Make sure to write down how your new school has been, I’m interested to see what you’ve been learning. I found your old electric guitar in our storage room, and will be bringing it back for you. It’s been so long since you’ve played, I understand, but don’t give up on your passion. You were amazing at it, and even if you don’t feel like singing anymore, I’m sure at least continuing your guitar practice will be enough.
P.S - Brought you and Mega some treats. I also got you a humidifier to help with the pain, I heard it helps well with sore throats and such. Let me know if it works.
See you soon!
Grandpa-Firebrand’.
 
A humidifier, huh? Well, I guess that’s some sort of advancement within whatever the fuck’s been happening the last year or so. I don’t know if it WILL help out with my throat, considering how it’s been feeling like there’s sharp glass jammed into the sides of it for months now, but I at least appreciate that my grandad’s trying. 
 
He’s really the only proper family I have other than Mega. I guess I have Banhammer too, but he’s way older than Mega and I combined, and genuinely not that easy of a guy to converse with. Especially with the fact I’m as silent as a rock now.
 
I don’t feel like talking about this anymore. I’m gonna close my book for the day. Mega says I write too much in it now, anyway, and I know he had good intentions, but it made me a bit embarrassed. 
 
Oh well.