Beneath / Small Town

8

27/05/20XX
I think Boombox is mentally unstable.

Now, that’s a boiling hot take, and I have no evidence to prove that, but around 10 minutes ago I woke up, and this guy’s next to me, eyes bloodshot red and sniffling, hands slowly wrapping origami and paper stars beside him within my pillow fort. It was what, six in the morning? Nobody else is awake yet, but he looked like he just had a mental breakdown, and kept apologizing too. “I was going to wake you up for something but I fell and broke your stars and I feel horrible and-” He choked sobs on the last few words, and I didn’t know what to do. I just sat there beside him, using the back of my hand to wipe the tears whilst patting him on the back. Sure, the paper stars breaking is annoying as shit, but not something I’d get pissed at. So then he’s silently crying and I don’t know what to do but awkwardly side-hold him, and then he HUGS ME. HE HUGS ME AND STARTS CRYING EVEN MORE.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? I just sat there, holding him whilst my entire body just trembled at the contact. It left a sickening feeling in my stomach and at the very bottom of my throat, lingering there for a couple of minutes. I don’t know how long I hugged him for, but eventually I started to continue his paper stars whilst he hid his face in my shoulder.

I wasn’t going to say anything, even if I COULD talk. It was just…confusing.

His hair was nice. I ran my hand through it at some point, it’s medium length and kind of spiky on the ends, like freshly cut. It reminds me of a jellyfish. He could use some color, maybe a lime green to match his horns. I like his horns. I like a lot of things about him, but he also makes me want to kill myself. 

Eugh, that’s gay. 

I don’t know why I saw him staring at himself in the mirror last night, or why he broke down at the sight of me waking up to find him there, but I want to figure out why.

And I have no idea if I’ll ever be able to do that.

30/05/20XX
You can’t trust Boombox and his friends for shit. I don’t know what I did, but he’s not answering, and neither are his friends. It’s stupid, pissing me off. If you don’t want to be friends, just say that, I don’t understand why you’re putting me through a fucking mental mind trap game in order to figure it out.

I’m so fucking tired, it’s like the whole world decided to collapse on me without any heads up, any warning that maybe IT’D FUCKING COLLAPSE, HOLY SHIT. It’s so annoying because I think I’m recovering and starting to get better,  only for me to return to old habits and then there’s the fact I’m not recovering physically either. It’s making me want to tear my skin off. What do I even do in this situation? Do I just cry, stand there like a fool? I am a fool. I’m the biggest idiot there is, because I thought that a guy named Boombox would actually enjoy my presence, although he approached me randomly without there being any meaning to why, continuously looking back at his friends like it was a joke. It was a joke, definitely. I should’ve fucking noticed how much of a GODDAMN FUCKING ASSHOLE HE IS, and I HATE IT SO MUCH that he just won’t get out if my STUPID FUCKING HEAD.

Mega keeps noticing my mood swings, and I hate it. Mom had mood swings, and I don’t want to end up as a carbon copy of her for everyone to see. Here, here everyone, stare at the hopeless demon who has turned into such a prick that he ended up just like his mother. DEAD IN A FUCKING DITCH.

She’s not dead. I think.

3/06/20XX
I’m looking online for all sorts of things and Mega’s asking me if there’s anything specific I wanted now that he has a job, but I don’t really know. He ordered me a shark costume, and got himself a matching pair. It’s really cute but why? Grandad told him to save up, and I agree. He doesn’t like listening sometimes, we’re well off for another ten lifetimes.

I can’t stop thinking about Boombox, when he cried on my shoulder. I can somewhat feel the ghost of his head against it. It’s terrifying.

Rocket came over today, asked if we wanted to go on a walk with him and Sword. Grandad declined, he still works even though he’s home, and Mega just does his own thing I guess. So naturally, as the people pleaser I am, I tagged along. They chattered about school life while I listened through the shadows. It was nice, we passed a couple of food trucks and they felt pissed that they brought no money, so I lended them a few bucks that I was given for pocket money. Enough for food in this goddamn economy. Rocket got the most obscene looking tower of ice cream I had ever seen. It had probably around four or five scoops, all different colors and flavors. It was like a unicorn shat on his ice cream and called it a day. Sword got these loaded fries with mince and stuff, which were honestly pretty good. He handed me the rest after finishing them halfway, something about being sick recently and having to eat a little less than usual. Hopefully he recovers soon.

I think about the stars up in the night sky, how they gleam with determination and pride. I would love to be a star, but I guess I’m more of a rock on the Inpherno. The cold breeze was also warm enough for us to not be too chilly. 

I still think about Boombox…I think.