If You Leave Me | Joshua Hong

3. The you before me

jihye pov:

i stood in front of the mirror, drying my hair with a towel after a shower. water drops were dripping down on my exposed collarbone and i tried to not shiver and ruin the elegance of the moment. i could see joshua in the reflection, focused completely on his phone.

i have seen that scene a lot in movies where men can't help but pay attention to a woman as she comes out of the shower and gets ready for bed. but i guess it's another one of the lies they sell. or maybe i am doing it wrong?

i was wearing joshua's white t-shirt and it reached my thighs almost like a really loose dress, it was revealing enough compared to the clothes i wear during daytime but nothing attention catching. i sighed as my hair had dried already without joshua even glancing in my direction.

he is my first everything.

i know nothing about relationships except what he has shown me and he certainly didn't show me how to attract a man.

sometimes i feel desperate for him but i have to force myself to act more mature. i resist calling him too often or expressing how much i actually miss him when he's out of the country. i don't want to appear clingy or childish.

"who are you talking to?"

i asked as i walked up to my side of the bed but didn't get on it as i was waiting for him to notice me. he didn't look up from his phone before answering.

"my manager"

no way.

i couldn't help but frown as the thought that he may get a last minute schedule tomorrow materialized in my mind. i fear it so much because it has happened many times before. but tomorrow might be the last night we will stay together before i have to go to another country.

what should i do?

after thinking for a few minutes i got a dumb idea and got my body lotion. i sat on the bed, stretching my legs in front of me as i applied the lotion on my smooth legs. my thigh was exposed but he still didn't get distracted.

fuck my life.

why did no one teach me what to do? how do people even start dating or am i the only one who's naive?

i wish jeonghan was a girl. he would've helped me if he was my sister instead of brother. even juhee and haewon aren't any help. haewon's boyfriend doesn't need a signal and juhee is too blunt. she just says what she wants. 

"um.. shua?"

"yeah?" even though his voice was so soft and sweet, his eyes were on the phone.

"can you.. give me a back massage?"

shit. that's embarrassing.

he's the one who had dance practice since the morning then cooked and even stayed behind while i did the dishes and i just asked for a massage as if i didn't scroll on my phone all day.

 why isn't there an undo button in real life?

"um.." he was hesitating. i definitely asked for too much. "does it hurt a lot?"

"no actually i am fine. forget it. it's just sore, i will do some stretching."

"that sounds good." he smiled sweetly but the relief on his face was evident. he just wants some rest. poor shua.

and poor me.

because then i had to pretend to stretch for 15 minutes at 1 am. 

finally, i laid down on the bed in defeat. i cuddled closer to his warm body and placed my head on his shoulder peeking into the phone that had him occupied.