MELAMINA THE QUEEN

CHAPTER 62

When morning comes, I am discharged from the hospital together with Sivikelo because she is healthy and there is no need for her to be kept in the NICU unlike Sihlophekazi. I went to see her before getting ready to go home. She had pipes all over helping her breathe. Seeing my child like that is not easy. I thought I was a powerful seer, but I can’t even pray for my doctor’s recovery.

I arrive at home and it is very busy. People are moving up and down preparing for the funeral. I head to my room where I go change into a black dress, a black shawl and a black doek. I am about to head out when Kuhle comes in. He smiles when he sees me. He is wearing a brown Safari suit but he is a bit dirty. He is also wearing shades. I just know that his eyes are red. He comes to hug me and I wrap my arms around him. I hear him sigh. He breaks the hug and I take off his shades. His eyes are red and watery. I don’t want to ask the obvious question.

“Why are you dirty?” I ask and he sighs.
“We just came back from digging the grave. Angithi people who aren’t Zulu by blood are not permitted to enter the Zulu graveyard. So me , my brothers, uncles and cousins had to go there. But I left them still there. They were cementing the grave. I just came back to see you and Sivikelo, get changed and see if there is anything you guys need before we fetch Owenkosi.” I nod and take a deep breath.

“Do you need me to prepare bath water for you and take out your outfit?” I ask and he shakes his head.
“I don’t want to trouble you, mkami. You just gave birth. You need to rest. You have a new scar that won’t heal well if you move up. Just take it easy, okay?” he is always caring about other people. But he is right about my C-section scar. I know it won’t heal if I move up and down.

I slowly walk to the walk-in closet and take out an outfit which I bought a month ago from Amazon. When you’re an expectant mother, you always shop for baby clothes each time you see something cute . I bought a lot of clothes for my triplets but I guess now that means more clothes for Sivikelo and Sihlophekazi. I never thought I would have to chose an outfit that my dead child is going to come home wearing, but I have to do this. The outfit is a pink winter waffle ruffle long sleeve Mama’s mini sweatshirt and pants. I also take socks, gloves, a hat and corduroy jacket. I put them in a small gift bag and place them on the bed. Kuhle looks at me and frowns. He has already taken his clothes off and has a towel around his waist.

“What is this?” He asks.
“Her clothes. Please put her in that so she doesn’t get cold.” The irony because she is already freezing.

He looks at me and then swallows hard. I can see that he wants to break down. But if he does that now, I won’t be able to stop my own tears. And I can’t comfort him while I am still bleeding profoundly. He opens the gift bag and takes out the clothes. He looks at them and just breaks down, holding them tightly in his hands. What I just said a few seconds ago goes away. He slowly sinks on the floor, sobbing loudly. I sit next to him and wrap my arms around him. I allow him to cry without saying anything.

“Futhy, we are good people. We are selfless. We love unconditionally. We give our all to the world. Is this our prize? What did we do to deserve this? Please enlighten me.” He speaks in a shaky voice and I don’t know how to respond. I just tighten my arms around him and he continues crying. We sit there for a while until I start feeling discomfort.

“Baby, I have to get up. I am feeling uncomfortable.” I mumble and he snorts, wiping his tears. “We will get through this together, as a family. This is not something we will get over now or any day in the near future. But it will be okay.” I wipe my own tears and he smiles at me.
“Thank you for choosing me. And thank you for being here with me in this awful time.” He kisses my forehead. “Please take out my outfit for the day. I will be quick.” He helps me stand and then walks to the bathroom.

I take out his outfit and place it on top of the bed. Luckily our clothes are always ironed. I then take a mini blanket, putting it around my shoulders and head to the mourning room. I find my mother already sitting in the mattress with Sivikelo in her arms. We haven’t had the chance to speak since I gave birth. I heard that she was in the delivery room and she saw everything that happened. According to my dad, she is still traumatized and she always cries when asked to talk about what happened. I sit next to her and I almost moan at the comfortability of the mattress. They probably had my condition in mind when they got this one. I look at Sivikelo in mom’s arms who is napping peacefully. She turns and looks at me.

“How are you holding up, mtanami?” she asks.
I chuckle and shake my head a bit. “I don’t know. I am not sure. I just comforted a wailing Kuhle and told him that everything will be fine whereas I know it won’t be. I am like a ticking time bomb. If anyone mentions her name, I swear to God, I will break down. They dug her grave today. Do you know that? It means even if she had any intention of waking up, she won’t. Because who will hear her when she is six feet underground? I am crazy, right? I have completely gone insane. Like, who says those things?”

I laugh and turn my head, looking at the picture that is placed near the burning candle. It’s the last scan of the triplets. She doesn’t even have a single picture. When her sisters grow up, what are we going to show them? We will be like ‘yeah you had a sister but she died before we could take a picture.’ Do you know how insane that sounds.

I feel a hand holding mine and i know that’s mom. “I have never lost a child before. I don’t know how painful it is. But I did lose my mother and even though we weren’t in speaking terms when she passed, her death left a huge hole in my heart that can never be filled. You never recover from death. You just channel the love that you had for that person and allow it to give you strength to continue living. Both Kuhle and you lost a part of yourselves. Focus on that love that you had for Owenkosi and allow it to give you strength to continue living your life. You are strong, mtanami. You will be able to get through this.”

I exhale and look at our intertwined hands. “She is going to be a great ancestor, right?” I ask in a low tone and she places her free hand in my cheek.
“The most beautiful ancestor ever. I am sure she will walk in the with style because her mother has a great fashion sense.” I giggle and she wipes the tears running down my cheeks. “People will be coming in to pay their condolences. Thembisile and Zisanele will also come and keep you company because they are your sisterwives. I will be taking care of Sivikelo and will only bring her back if she needs to be fed. She can’t stay in this room. The aura might affect her.”

I nod. I do understand that. New-borns aren’t supposed to be anywhere near a place where there is a funeral but this is an exception. They still need to lay in Owenkosi’s grave first to stop bad omen. I am glad I wont be near to see that because I know something like that will traumatize me. “Let me hold her for a few moments before you leave with her.” She nods and hands me the sleeping Sivikelo. It takes a few moments before she opens her eyes and starts squirming. She has a bit of Milisuthando in her. I can sense it.