The Gay Christian

2. The Razor Blade (Prologue)

So now I am in my teen years. I've learned how to hide my true self from others. But now a new hurt came into my life. The razor blade. This small object, which I thought was helping me cope with my inner self, was really hurting me. Physically and mentally, but I didn't know it at the time.


I was falling in love with the high I would get when I would hurt myself.


In the back of my mind, I realized that I was sending myself in a downward spiral. But who cared? I know I sure didn't. And this careless behavior soon led to addiction.


The addiction that nearly sent me to the hospital.


To my fortune though, in my English class my teacher Mrs. Ware assigned me a partner for a group project.


Her name was Brianna Hudson. I never really talked to her or worked with her before, but as we started to talk (I am a very talkative person) she asked me if everything was alright.


I said "Yah everything's good." To which she responded "are you sure because those cuts on your arm don't look so fine."


At that point I was scared because I didn't want people to know that I was cutting. But those thoughts soon subsided as she assured me that I can trust her and that whatever I told her was between us.


Finally!!!!!! Could this be a person I could talk to? That I can tell my secrets to without being ridiculed.


Luckily English class is the last period of the day. So as the bell rang. I quickly went up to her and asked "Would you like to get a bite to eat? So we can talk more?."


She responded with a quick "Sure." Then said "I knew that you wanted to talk about something."


So here we are. In this Chinese restaurant. We just met each other not an hour ago. Yet we were talking like we were the best of friends.


At that table my life was spilled. We talked about everything from love, to religious beliefs, to teen trends, to politics, to my cutting, and even my darkest secret.


I felt completely open. For the first time in my life. And it felt wonderful.