This story is my life. My name is Jamal and I am Christian.... But I am also gay. That is the first time I have ever admitted that I was gay. And it felt pretty damn good.
Anyway as a child I was taught that God loves everyone, and I do belive that with all my heart. But I also was told that being gay was wrong and that if you pursued that lifestyle then you would surley go to Hell. Those words scared me to death. The fact that I couldnt be what I wanted to be, the fact that I couldnt be with whoever I wanted to be with was horrifying.
So I did what I thought was the next best thing. I adopted the charicteristics of a serial killer (dont worry I didnt kill anyone x)
By that I mean I learned to mimic other peoples emotions. In other words I adapted to the people I hung around with most.
For a while I was doing fine. But the constant stress of putting on a mask infront of the people who I thought were my best of friends was starting to get tiersome. And occasionally I would slip and do something really gay like catch boners when my guy friends would take their shirts off, or listen to Lady Gaga. And when someone would catch me in these acts of Gaydom the response I would most likley get is "Dude are you gay???" or "stop being a fag." to wich I would playfully reply "im not gay" or "I would never do that nasty shit, I would never be gay." When really deep inside I knew I was not only lieing to myself but I was also lieing to God.
But what else could I do? Maybe if I told myself enough that I was'nt gay then It would finally take effect.
Oh who am I kidding? Being gay isnt just a flashlight that you can turn on and off.
No, its something I have to live with for the rest of my life. And maybe later on in life I would learn to deal with the fact that im gay. But not right now...
Comment, vote, ask me any question. I will be uploading more parts to the story some time this week :)
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The Gay Christian
ספרות נוערBeing brought up in a Christian home I've always been taught being homosexual was a sin. And that if you were gay you would go to hell. This is a story showing the battle between being gay and being Christian.
