The Pawn's Mask (On-Going)

Two

Nag-chat si Bob sa Fb account ko!!

Rereplayan ko ba? O i-seen mode ko lang?

Nagtatalo ang mga emosyon ko para sa magiging desisyon ko. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko na parang nag-aadrenalin rush. Kinakabahan ako e.

Yung utak ko ngayon parang yung madalas naming nakikita sa mga examination papers. BLANKO.

Kakalurkey. Baka lalong lumaki ang gulo pag nilabas ko yung sama ng loob ko sa kanya.

Ano ba ang dapat kong isagot ko sa kanya? Yung malumanay.

Tumingin muna ako ng matagal sa kanyang chat na para akong istatwa.

Sabay sineen-mode ko muna. Tingnan ko kung magchachat sya ulit.

Eh, nagchat nga talaga sya ulit. Sabi nya, "Seen mode. Mukhang galit pa din yata. Sorry na."

Pambihira! Pine-pressure nya ako!

Lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Lalong nag-aaway ang mga aso't pusa na nasa saloobin ko. Wag naman syang magmadali. Pag mangibabaw itong nag-aapoy na galit sa loob ko, baka makasabi ko talaga sa kanya na hindi maganda.

Seen-mode ko muna sya ulit. Pero, habang nakita ko yung reply nya, huminga muna ako ng napakalalim dahil bumilis ang tibok ng puso sa sobrang kaba. Yung utak ko, pinipilit kong paganahin mula sa pagiging blanko nito para may masabi ako sa kanya ng malumanay pero hindi ung galit.

Nagtype muna ako ng draft sa notepad ko para dun sa irereply ko sa kanya. Hangga't maari, try kong magreply sa kanya ng malumanay pero dapat tagos sa kanya.

Mga 5-10 minuto ang nakalipas. Natapos ko nang isulat yung draft ko para pangreply ko sa kanya.

Wag ka, in English ko pa sinulat sa notepad.

Chineck ko kung may mali ba sa mga spelling, grammar, atbp. Ganito po ang itsura nya...

kuya bob,

i think i should have done this a long time ago. i thought of texting you, i thought of giving you a letter, but most of all i thought of talking to in private. i don't really wanted everything to come this far, what i only wanted is to make you realize some things which i know you are numb about. i really never wanted to double, triple or in whatever degree, heighten or intensify what you are going through especially your damaged feelings. but i think things should really go this way, the hard way. for now, i just can't talk to you. i wanted you to think about things, this way i don't want you to think that i am cleaning my name, what i want you to see is you also have done something wrong. i do know, as your friend, i also did some things that had hurt your feelings, but i also know that i'm taking my part as your friend in whatever way i can, but not this time. i know your thinking that i am the worst friend you've ever had in your entire life, and i'm whole heartedly accepting that fact. to end this message, i just wanted you to know that i do care what had happen to you. i just don't know how will i approach you the way "vivian", you first know, could. soon in God's time I WILL talk to you, i'll just come to you, that's when i'm ready.

PS. i wanted you to recall when is the time i never asked you about any of your unspoken problems. i want you to ask yourself if, in any day or time of your life, i never offered you my time if you needed someone to talking to about anything. i hope this way YOU'LL remember ME as YOUR FRIEND. Thank you.