Me and my girlfriend are cuddling on her couch watching "never have I ever" our comfort show. She fell asleep with her hand through my hair I smile as I see the sunlight on her closed eyes. Even if they were closed I could see the colour of her brownie eyes. I lie my head on her chest closing my eyes. Her parents were out of town for the day they don't know she's bisexual neither do mine.. we have a secret relationship because we are scared she has very religious parents, mine were strict very strict and they just couldn't accept a daughter who has a girlfriend I start overthinking again I sit for a moment because my breath is getting heavy. I then start panting and crying. Something bad is going to happen I can just feel it. My sweet girlfriend wakes up worried she dyed her hair cherry red and when she's at the sun her hair shines bright I love her highlights they usually help calm me but right now I can't breathe let alone focus. She tries to reassure me that everything is okay but my anger issues tell her to stay back so I don't hurt her. She stands up to get me some water. I've got many panic attacks before but this one was way worse. I slowly drink the water she gave me but I couldn't calm myself down I stand up however my vision got blurry quickly. My girlfriend tried to help me but I push her away "We have to break up! I can't stand you anymore!" I yell without realising that her parents were stood at the door watching. My eyes blurry with tears as the only thing going on in my head is the question 'what are they doing back so soon' my girlfriend started crying. They saw us. They were angry. They heard us I was scared. I'm living my nightmare I did not want this to happen we've been careful for the past four months. Her parents start yelling at my girlfriend and I. Her mother said that I disappointed her and that she's going to call my mother I beg her not to but she did it anyway. My mother is on her way. They say that my sweet red hair is going to pray god for forgiveness until she's 'normal' again. I'm sat on the couch staring at the rug while wiping tears from my eyes so no one saw. Waiting for my mother. I had red puffy eyes when she entered the house she was furious. I've never seen her like this. She looked for me and ignored my girlfriend's mother. When she saw me she harshly picked me up from my arm bruising it. I start crying tears I didn't know were there. Asking her for forgiveness and not to hurt me. She ignores me and when we get in her car she gives me a hard slap leaving the mark of her hand on my cheek. "I'm so sorry!" I sob and try to keep her hands away from my face. "The one is for making your father lose customers" she slaps me twice. Is this all she cares about? My father's customers? "And this one is for having a relationship with the daughter of religious parents" she yells at the whiling giving me a third slap which makes my mouth bleed I understand what she's saying. Her parents are the most religious of the town. They own a small church and they also invited me but I refused going. The way home was silent I coughed up some blood into my hands but my mother didn't care at all. My eyes were swollen and red and my mouth full of blood. When I got home my father gave me a punch on my right eye. He made me fall on the ground coughing more blood "please stop..." I beg to my parents. They didn't listen and I got a kick to the stomach by my mother I was trying soo hard not to pass out. My sister and brother tried not to laugh while I was sobbing. I made my way upstairs coughing. I could barely breathe. I take my phone out my pocket to see a message off. My girlfriend. I hate the fact I love her no matter what. "Meet me at our spot at 11pm" I don't respond. I pass some hours by crying and sobbing. I check my phone and it's 10:47pm. 13 minutes to go. I had to go under our beloved tree. Where she told me that she loved me for the first time. I sneak out and head to our spot she was waiting for me holding two things in her hands. Ropes.. "love what did they do to you?" She asks when she sees the injures her voice is shaky she's obviously been crying too. "Will you die with me?" I ask in a small whisper. She nods her head. We sit down under the tree writing notes as we say "I love you" to each other like the first time. And we prepared ourselves to 'our' fate. She prayed one last time and I did too. She helps me get into the rope and she does the same. She looks at me one last time I saw something in her eyes but I couldn't tell what. As I kick the piece of wood from under my feel I look at her the only words she said was "I'm so sorry my love" as she took the rope from around her neck and walked away leaving me there. I watched her remove the rope from around her neck and walk away leaving me dangling. I struggled against the rope but it was no point. All the pain from my parents' punishment was all coming back. It got hard to breathe. The air i used to take for granted slowly slipping away then it went black. After what felt like seconds I was able to open my eyes. It looked beautiful. It was perfect. It was heaven. Exactly how I pictured it, white fluffy clouds below my feet that felt like pillows, I wasn't in any pain. Nothing hurt anymore. This man stood before me. He was wearing a silk white robe and he had long brown hair. God? He spoke to me but i couldn't focus. I picked up on a few words saying "go back" "live again" and "see her" I was confused. Was he giving me another chance at life? After a few seconds of awkward silence the calming peaceful place started to fade. The man disappeared then so did everything else. I was no longer dangling from the rope. I was lied on the floor. The rope broke? It was laying next to me in half. My phone was vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out slowly while wincing in pain. My body hurt. I checked my phone to see loads of messages. Some of my mum and some of my dad. But a few off my girlfriend.
Mum:
"Where are you? It's 3am"
"Darling where are you I'm sorry"
"I'm really worried now please answer"
"Isabelle just came home with tears streaming down her face but she won't say what happened."
"Eleana please answer."
