❤︎
(𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐬.)
YUJIN could not understand what was happening, so he just sat down in the floor, waiting for hours for her to come home. The time is not passing quickly, he wants to call her again, ask her when she'll be back, and know more about what she was talking the other night. Leaving the country? Does he want to, of course. It's a part of his bucket list. To move in far away from this shitty place with his love, and a soft sigh passes his lips as his mind wandered to the fake scenarios with him and the woman.
His ears perk up as he hears a sound of a car, and he bolted towards the door. Peeking out through the glass hole, that's when a small smile crept up his face. Kiri. Kiri. She's back home early today, getting out of her cherry red car, she fixed her heels, before making her way to the porch.
Yujin could feel his heart pounding in his chest once he saw the woman unlocking the door, and he rubbed his eyes before his blue eyes met her grey ones, smiling from ear to ear, he immediately wrapped his arms around her the second she got in.
He felt the slight breeze of the cold winter, a wave of wind entering the warm, familiar house. It made him feel so weirdly comfortable, being so close to her in such cold days, and he wished to stay in her arms forever like this. Even after all she's done, he could never bring himself to despise her in a way any other person would.
"I... I missed you so much!"
He could feel her softly yawn as she patted his head before pulling away and walking in like usual, a small pout forming on his lips as the smell of slight alcohol lingered in the air.
"Did you drink?" He got the words out politely, not wanting to anger the woman with his questions from the moment she got home. He doesn't hear her answer straight away, which he assumed was probably because she didn't catch his words. It's maybe the alcohol?
"Did-" He was about to question again, but the gets cut off by the woman who was currently sprawled across the couch, still in her heels and blazer.
"I drank....." She mumbled out, while he made his way towards her and shifted himself closer to her, wanting to lie and hold her in his arms.
"A lot of vodka..." Her muffled words caught him off guard, and he couldn't help but take a few steps towards the couch and lean down until he's sitting on his knees, reaching out a hand, and gently presses his hand against her hair.
"You drove home... like that...???" He asks with a serious tone, trying to sound worried as his own feeling is drowned out by his worry for her, the sadness and need for affection is pushed into the background, overridden by his concern.
"Yeah, I did..." Her voice was devoid of any emotion, which made him feel even more disappointed with her. He frowns, his concern turning to hurt. His lips part to speak but nothing comes out, feeling a pang of pain in his heart, he closes his mouth, he feels unseen. He feels useless. Worthless. Unworthy.. It's a feeling that's all too familiar to him, He's used to it and it usually never hurts. However, when he's with her, it never stops hurting, It's not something you can ever get used to; It's so heart wrenching and soul crushing.
He sits beside her in silence, staying quiet as he internally struggles with his own emotions, a wave of sadness and melancholy overpowers him, overwhelming his heart with feelings of worthlessness, doubt and insecurity.
"Is it that hard to spend time with me Even for just five minutes? I just want her to love me a little..."
He thinks to himself, As his own feeling of self-doubt and worthlessness consume him. Not a single word comes out of his mouth, Feeling too upset and disheartened to speak..
The poor man's heart which was usually filled with love and affection for her, was now feeling empty as he watches her fall asleep, feeling his own sorrow growing, Inwardly aching, Wanting so badly for her affection, But not getting any, It feels like a deep void within his being. He remains quiet and sad, He feels so utterly alone, even though she was right beside him. His desire for her attention is so strong that he can't push away the feeling of longing. He wishes for her touch, her gentle kisses, her sweet words, any sign of love.
He takes a deep breath, summoning the courage to move closer to her, his heart pounding with a mix of anticipation and hope. He doesn't want to do anything too sudden and wake her up, So he moves slowly, Trying his best not to make a sound, Wanting to just be as close to her as possible, to feel a bit of her presence despite the fact she neglects him.
Every inch he moved in closer, His heart raced a little faster, Feeling a mix of anxiety and nervousness. He can feel the gentle rise and fall of her breath, and can almost hear her soft heartbeat, although it's faint. He feels a mixture of relief and longing, Being so close to her but still feeling so far away, A deep ache of heartbreak and loneliness within him. The longing just grows deeper and deeper, making him want to just lay beside her right then and there, To hug her and hold her close.
However, he pulls away from her sweet scent and eventually backs away, realizing that he shouldn't do this when she's asleep and finally off guard. It makes a little part of his heart feel a bit comforted when he realizes that she trusts him enough to fall asleep like that while being so drunk. Looking on the brighter side, he realizes that now that she's asleep, he could get out from the house for a just a minute to get fresh air too.
He stands back on his feet, and takes steps towards the open door, not wanting to look at her again because the sight of her lying there looking so vulnerable would make him do things that shouldn't be done. So, he decided to put that aside and bask in the fresh atmosphere outside.
He drapes a coat over himself and prepares for the breezy night, making sure to not make any noise to disturb her while she's asleep.
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