Mirage

Since when do we call the secrets of the universe secrets? After all, what could be that would want to hide the true nature of everything? Why should we blame something like a much-desired higher power, the infinite universe itself, the stars, fate, or anything else for our collective blindness? But the fact is that the universe does not work like a human brain, even if it is alive, and even if we participate in it, we cannot understand what can be hidden behind the word "whole".

The air was thick. Or maybe my nose was too small for oxygen to get through. Either way, I inhaled the bitterest scents through the sweetest perfumes. I was surrounded by a constant buzzing and vibration, although because of the headphones it was only a soft accompaniment to my heartbeat. If anyone wondered what I was listening to, they wouldn't have guessed that my favorite music was on the playlist: silence.
People who were dedicated to their work and who lived for fun. People who have returned and who have just left. Who in the large crowd would think deeply about who got on that flight that day? If I tell you this, everyone can expect something big to happen. I could have made the beginning of the story more exciting if I had foreseen anything. But people may complain that I have no tendency to conform. So anyone who is open to even the most superfluous knowledge can get to know my story now.

-What are you thinking? - my traveling companion leaned towards me with a big grin on his face. Every time, he disturbs my privacy with the same passion.
-We both know that it never belongs to anyone else. - I give him a cold look, I, who always tend to answer it like this, but always in a different wording.
-I wonder what could have made this barrier so strong. - he looked out the window with his watery eyes to look like he was deeply thinking on it. Maybe he really did, though I highly doubt it. After all, the original form of "cogito ergo sum" would be nothing but "I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am", and I can only hope for that, but existence is not a sin.
- Fantastic, let's think together. In peace and quiet. - I turned towards the window. I just wanted to enjoy... I don't know exactly what. This long journey. Maybe.

-Do you know what I heard? - my favorite scientist threw me these words above his shoulder, barely audible. He was brazenly crunching the pages of a newspaper published in the 1990s in front of my nose.
- The ashes of the past can't beg for your respect, so I'm telling you to stop doing this now. - I tried to answer all this with a serious face, but I couldn't stop smiling. I never knew what to do with that, but luckily, he never looks at me enough to notice it. "Luckily".
-Yeah. While we ride the past for almost zero recognition, someone has discovered a new material in outer space. Do you believe this? New. Material. - he slowly turned his gaze towards me and watched my reaction with round eyes. He held his head as it had once been carved into the statue of Adam. Maybe we looked at each other longer than we should have.
-What's the big news? That it was discovered or that does it exist? I expected both in the same way. - and to be honest, I really wasn't surprised, and I had to annoy him somehow. I turned away and started sorting through a couple of papers that I didn't even know what was in them. - Do you regret that it was not named after you? - I tortured him further.
-Yea, a person called "Antimatter" can be happy today instead of me.
-I would like to meet his partner. - I thought while waiting to see if he would understand what I was thinking. But his eyebrows were drawn too close to her eyes for that to stand any chance. - The antimatter-antitime pair jumped in. I mean... Antimatter has an antitime... Don't you think? - after he didn't get it first, I was unsure. But when our eyes met, there was a special sparkle in it. I regretted it. Maybe several times, and maybe just once, but then it went on well far in time. Maybe.

-Yeah, that wasn't a good idea. - I spoke in a hoarse voice after 5 minutes of standing still. Everywhere I turned my eyes, silvery lakes appeared everywhere, then disappeared just the same. Mirage. It's terrifying to watch something that turns out never existed. My facial muscles slowly tensed, evenly. Voices from great depths burst through my throat, from my stomach, from my lungs, although they were from my heart. It was convulsive and yet honest. It's happy, but if I thought about it a little bit, it's frustrating. I laughed. But out damn loud. While I was listening to my own voice, one or two species of animals jumped in. Why would I deny it? I shouldn't have been standing alone on this sand dune. I don't know if there was any significance to it, and if so, what it was. He wasn't there for me. He had nothing to say; just to emphasize it.
In the intertwining of yellowish grains and silvery lakes, something brilliant rose up. He was standing there; I finally saw him in the distance. All beauty, joy and artistry took on one form. I didn't have to move, but I was just an arm's length away. I couldn't help it; I swept aside the rich silver hair growing from the nape of his neck. A pair of contemptuous, angry eyes stared at me from behind it. Death-fear. Faces swelled out of the body. All mine. The moment stopped and I heard the dull patter of raindrops from afar. It's been so long since I've been in my office... But I didn't feel like going back now. I really shouldn't. But what if things really don't happen logically in the universe? It probably works so. Well, I let myself drift away. But I can only be sure in one thing, in one word: Maybe.

-We see that what we need. Anything can be right in front of us, but we can say that everyone has something else right in front of them. - I pondered the thought out loud for the hundredth time now. There are things, that are interesting enough to remain so later.
-Then you should look at the final versions, and if everything goes well, you will see it. - a half smile stretched across his face. If only for a micro moment, but he always reminds me of Flynn Rider. It's as natural as gravity. I loved what we had. Over the years it has become the most natural thing for me. It's a big word, but I'm not bored by it even now.
-Documents, uniform, plan, money. It's unbelievable, I know, but everything is ready. - while walking up and down, it couldn't be clearer than this, that he is not only happy, but also stressed that we have really come this far. There is no going back.
-My life's work is dwarfed by this. Let's go NASA or something. - I just got up from the chair for the last time. We looked at each other, sighed at the same time, and then laughed at the same time. One lifetime would not have been enough to prepare us, but perhaps infinite lifetime either not. Maybe.

-Got it. - he closed the door behind him with a careful movement. - When it encounters with a body, both disappear, but the body may just be transferred to another time. Obviously, there is no evidence for it. Right now. One of them I spoke to certainly claims so. We are officially going till the end of the plan.
-Good. Just to be clear... Where are we fleeing to? - I gaped. Hacking the cameras and audio recorders in the corridor would have been a lot more work. It is also a miracle that it was possible to do this with one.
-Now we walk calmly, then less calmly we kick out the big window together. I don't want to waste another minute here. - he whispered, like the autumn breeze, who has been skipping brushing his teeth for a week. Teeth are important, but we really haven't invested our energy in such things these days.
-We are idiots. - the statement came from me, already a notch louder. If someone hears that from my mouth, I don't think they'll find it suspicious. In the meantime, I took the container from him, which could only be touched with gloves only, and slipped it into the mop bucket. It was next to my parachute bag, which I rolled with the wheeled table in front of me, which I don't know the name of either now.
-How would you know? Anyway, don't even think about it now. - but it was already too late, because the deep thoughts in me had already come, like black rain clouds, to rush over me. - Didn't you just compare it to clouds? I'm right, right? - he grinned at me with the satisfaction of a 5-year-old. I just returned the smile, because he knew it damn well.
-Do you think antimatter connected our consciousness? - I asked amusedly. And "amusedly" was a pretty apt adjective for that. We stopped, but Grin continued down the corridor without us, I even saw him turn away and never look back at us.
-Are we running? - he looked at me with round eyes again. If anyone questioned whether we ran fast, I would take it as an insult.

We have arrived on the ground. Or so I thought. But he wasn't there for me. He had nothing to say. NASA was neither behind me nor in front of me, not even in sight. Everywhere I turned my eyes, silvery lakes appeared, then disappeared just the same. Mirage. We see water because we need it. It's a shame that there was only sand around me. All mirages must disappear at some point, but when what we thought was real until then also disappears, it feels wilder.
I noticed an unusual figure on one of the sand dunes. It could have been Him, or even me, but the closer I saw it, the less human it seemed. Death-fear. My feet seemed to sink into the sand, if I had feet at all. I knew it wasn't real. As I knew I was always alone. I saw things more and more dimly, yet others more and more clearly. I was lonely, but this loneliness was only dry sand until now. But, if I think as if I have an audience, it can be really uplifting. The grains of sand spin dangerously in the big hourglass. Who knows how long. In principle, this is the order of it. However, only one thing is certain, uncertainty.

I'm at the airport again, alone, and who knows how many times this has happened. More precisely, I'm already on the plane. I feel everything vividly, I relive it. I put on my headphones. And you already know what I'm listening to. In the meantime, a thought strikes me, just barely audible, dull: has the material gotten loose? But as if I never thought about it, I listen to my heart. Again, and again. And why? It's not a secret. There must be someone who knows. Maybe.

If we asked the Sun, black holes, or anything else that is more powerful than us, could they know more than us if they had consciousness? Well, not much. The desert has never been more than a tiny sea of ​​endless grains of sand. But could it be more than that? No matter how much time may pass, this will remain an eternal truth: What is the secret of the desert is also the secret of the grains of sand.