Hi me again. Yep using the same dry joke. Oh well. Today I don’t know what to say. Honestly. I don’t know where I am. I’ve been feeling as if this life will eventually make me collapse in on myself. Damn going off the other days I probably seem a bit emotionally unstable. Not wrong though. I’ve been feeling rather stressed out. I feel though I love the person I'm with, we aren't meant to be. Maybe that’s not a bad thing. I hope they end up happy. I hoped it was with me but I don't think i Have the emotional competence to be the person she needs. It’s a hard life being stupid. I have the social skills of a tiger. If you don’t get the reference tigers are normally completely alone. Ha sounds really familiar. Most of my life actually I've felt completely alone. People that know me would likely say. You have such a great family, how could you feel alone. To that I really don’t understand it myself. It’s likely the false perception I might have. I deem them to think of me as incompetent as I see myself. I don’t talk to them about anything above surface level. I doubt they’d wanna hear it. Just become stronger. Become better. It’s not entirely wrong. I shouldn’t have been someone to drown in my own self doubt and incompetence. I felt if I had tried harder. Maybe today I wouldn’t be alone. Maybe I’d feel I had a place I truly belonged. Haha how cheesy of me to say. Looks like I’m begging to see the consequences of my own actions. RIght? Weird given I am talking to an empty space, yet this feels as if it’s my only person who will listen. Myself? I may be my only hope, but I am so unreliable I’m going to watch myself fall to the bottom. I don’t think I’ll be able to grasp my own hand. I’ll only cause myself to fall into a deeper pit. One in which I won't be able to climb out. A pit full of my own self pity, and worthless desires. That’s just how it is I guess. Tomorrow this side of me will likely be pushed back down. It always is. I don’t like seeing it personally. It’s ugly. It lacks any true form. It’s helpless. I actually hate it, and the path it takes. The emptiness expressed in a play to itself. I’d even call it poetic. Poetic, that's a line I’d expect. Poetry often can come from a place of sorrow and self doubt. Showing you the decay on your insides. This is an odd thing to say. I hate you, sir. I hate you stupidity. I hate the look on your face. I hate the fake smile you give. One so mastered only you can tell it’s all a facade. I hate your inability to do a thing. I hate you. You are your own worst enemy yet you still never move forward, only grasp the floor because it’s the highest point you’ll reach. You are at the bottom grasp on tightly for your meaningless existence is here to stay. It’s here to claim your aspirations. It’s here to consume everything in its path, the epitome of gluttony.
