Hi though I expect these words to never be read I'd like to give a summary of what this is. This is going to be a diary about life and my personal takes and feelings towards it. If you do end up reading this you can feel free to talk to me if you need to talk or anything. I hope maybe this will make you feel not alone, and maybe I'll begin to feel that way as well.
Currently I truly see life as nothing more than a bad game we are forces to play. I don't feel like there's truthfully anything special I feel more it's mundane. There's nothing in this world I'm particularly passionate about. The only thing I love 8s writing but there I'm subpar and realize that I need a good job to support my family and girlfriend that I'm blessed to have. I don't want this to come off as a suicidal rant since thats not what it is, but the lack of direction I feel is slowly eating me. I would like to give my girlfriend the life she deserves, but I'm not particularly good at anything. I'm trying to go to college but I don't have any drive for it realistically I'm going through the motions. A trade school sounds interesting but I'm not particularly hands on or even crafty. I know skills you develop as you go. How though? I have no money to spend or real time to give. The root of problems stems from an inability to learn. At least that's what I think but how do I learn when I don't see a mistake? What can I do to push beyond my understanding? I don't know right now life is simply looking for the path I should go down when I have nothing that interests me. The few things I've got going in life are my girlfriend and family. Though I can't talk with my family truly about anything. I'm lucky to have as much as I do, but this feeling sucks. I want to give my girlfriend the world but can't even give her a place to stay with the two of us. I feel like a pile of crap with no true purpose. I want to bring people joy and happiness like how I felt when I was young but I'm trapped here thinking there's nowhere. I'm in a box with no air as it slowly suffocates me. Well there's what I got for today, and man maybe in a few year you'll reread this laughing at how far yoI've come, or maybe you'll read it and have given up and loathe that you did drop the ball and accomplished nothing. Who knows.
