Eternal desire

Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: The Beast Inside**

Amara stood by the large window of the mansion, her eyes tracing the jagged outline of the forest beyond. The moon hung low in the sky, casting silver streaks across the landscape. Her body still buzzed with the remnants of the blood she’d consumed, but her mind was far from calm. The cold animal blood had soothed the immediate thirst, but deep down, she could feel the hunger lingering, like a beast pacing restlessly in the shadows.

Her fingers brushed against the glass as she stared at her reflection. Her skin, once warm and flushed, was now pale and smooth, almost otherworldly. Her eyes had changed too—a glint of something darker lurked within them. She could see it now. She wasn’t the same girl who had stood in this body just days ago.

Footsteps approached softly behind her. She didn’t need to turn to know it was Lucien. His presence filled the room, bringing with it a strange comfort, yet also a reminder of what she had become.

"You’re quiet," he said, his voice low as he stepped beside her.

Amara didn’t respond right away. She kept her eyes on the darkened forest, her thoughts tangled. She had been turned to save her life, but this… this wasn’t life. This was something else.

"How long will this last?" she finally asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Lucien looked at her, his gaze soft but unwavering. "The hunger? It’s worse in the beginning. Over time, you’ll learn to control it. You’ll find balance."

She scoffed softly, her fingers tightening on the windowsill. "Balance. How do I balance something that constantly wants to take over? That thirst, Lucien… I almost lost myself back there."

"You didn’t," he reminded her gently. "You fought it. That’s more than most can say in their first days."

Amara shook her head, stepping away from the window. "I feel like I’m teetering on the edge, like at any moment, I could slip. What if I hurt someone? What if I hurt my mother?"

The thought sent a cold shiver down her spine. Her mother—so blissfully unaware of the darkness her daughter now carried within her. Amara had made excuses to disappear, telling her mother she needed space, that she was visiting a friend. But how long could she keep that up? How long until the thirst pushed her too far?

"You won’t hurt her," Lucien said, his voice steady. "I won’t let that happen."

Amara turned to him, her eyes flashing with a mix of anger and fear. "How can you be so sure? You’ve been doing this for centuries. You know control. I’m just… I’m barely hanging on. You can’t always be there to stop me."

Lucien’s jaw tightened slightly, but his voice remained calm. "You’re not alone in this, Amara. I’ll teach you. And in time, you’ll learn how to live with it."

"Live with it," she muttered under her breath. "That’s easy for you to say. You’ve had time to accept it."

"You're right," Lucien admitted, stepping closer. "But that doesn't mean it was easy. The hunger, the guilt, the fear—it’s all part of what we are now. But I’m telling you, it gets better. You learn to make choices. You learn to take control."

Amara’s shoulders slumped, the weight of it all pressing down on her. "What if I don’t want this life? What if I can’t accept it?"

Lucien paused, his expression hard to read. He reached out, gently taking her hand in his. "It’s not about wanting it, Amara. None of us asked for this. But it’s the life we have now. And you’re strong enough to face it, even if you don’t believe that yet."

She stared down at their hands, his touch warm against her cold skin. She wanted to believe him, to trust that she could find some semblance of control over the monster lurking inside her. But the fear gnawed at her, and the weight of what she had become felt suffocating.

"I don’t want to hurt anyone," she whispered.

"You won’t," Lucien said firmly. "I’m here, and I’ll help you every step of the way. But you have to trust me. Trust yourself."

Amara’s gaze flickered back to the window, to the endless stretch of trees that seemed to swallow the mansion in its isolation. She wondered how long she could hide out here, how long before the real world came crashing back in. Before her mother started asking too many questions. Before the hunger became unbearable again.

"I can’t stay here forever," she said softly.

Lucien nodded. "No, you can’t. But you don’t have to figure everything out right now. One step at a time, Amara."

A heavy silence settled between them. Amara’s mind raced with thoughts of the future, of the darkness that would forever be a part of her now. But beneath the fear, she felt something else stirring—a small, fragile thread of hope. She wasn’t facing this alone. Lucien was with her, and no matter how terrifying the path ahead seemed, she knew he wouldn’t let her fall.

Amara turned to him, her voice quiet but steady. "Teach me. Help me learn to control it."

Lucien’s eyes softened, a hint of relief passing over his features. "I will. I promise."

As they stood in the vast emptiness of the mansion, the moonlight spilling in through the window, Amara realized that this was the first step—the first step toward accepting the darkness inside her. The hunger would always be there, lurking in the shadows of her soul, but maybe, just maybe, she could find a way to live with it.

With Lucien by her side, she might even find a way to conquer it.