Zoned Out

But

Even though I tried my hardest to continue to love Love like I thought she needed me to, time kept telling me that it was just too late. My love left for her slowly but surely. Love wasn't always beautiful to me anymore, now more than ever she was more ugly. Her lips looked as deformed as they were when I met her. I didn't love them anymore. But then she would smile and I would fall back into this illusion of love, telling myself to stop thinking those things because our love was unbreakable, because we had something. To be honest now, me and Love never really had anything. Her infatuation with me in the beginning was what I could never figure out and I was in love with the fact that she was even infatuated. But time grew upon us like a child.

I would venture off sometimes and leave Love behind for another girl. This girl was prettier than mine I am so sad to say and she was more interesting. She listened and responded, and don't get me wrong my Love did too but with this girl it was just different. Love was controlling and nagging. She wanted so badly for me to be her ultimate fantasy and I just did not know how. I couldn't be extremely masculine and then sensitive to her feelings at the very same time, I didn't want a million tattoos and to play football like she had imagined, I didn't want to shave both sides of my head, I couldn't keep up with simple things like washing my face every morning, and I just could not be by her side every time she yearned for my touch. I tried to give her the things that I could though like my voice, my poetry, my empathy and even sympathy when she needed it, someone to call when she was thinking of me and when she was just too upset to keep quiet. I was there to sooth her late night urges. She was slowly giving up on me like I was her and even though I was giving up too somewhere I still wanted what we didn't have. Everything that I gave to her now, why was that not enough?