Zoned Out

The Second Time

Love left I was okay. I was fine with her leaving this time because it had been two months after the first break-up and us separating felt like the best thing to do. But then after about three days she called...

Love said that she didn't feel right without me. She thought that what she was doing was alright, that it was okay and that she would be fine. But she was totally wrong. Love also mentioned one other thing I don't think I'll ever forget: Love said that she didn't want to go through the process of meeting other people all over again. Love was a Cancer so in the beginning that was understandable, but then I thought back to that same conversation a week later after explaining it to a friend. My friend asked me a few questions and one of them were simply why?. Why was it that she didn't want to go through that process over again? Was it that she was afraid she wouldn't find anyone else like me or was it that she was just too stuck on not being able to adapt well to new change? That same day I reminded Love that this was her decision and that honestly I didn't know if I wanted to get back together now or ever. I told Love the truth: I needed time. Major time, to evaluate things to see where I fit in and if I even wanted to fit in ever again. The day after it was a simple text message conversation and in my mind we were on the slow road back to love again. The next day though the text message was short and dry nothing like the day before. The conversation on the phone two nights before had me to believe that maybe we could try again, I was reconsidering. We hadn't talked like that in a long while, to be honest I enjoyed every minute of it. The text messages the night after was good as well but then this day came and things had obviously changed, it was loud and fast like a robbery happening in the middle of the street. As fast as she had came back was as fast as she had left again. My mind raced for answers, what had happened this time? What was going on? The next day I didn't get a text at all. Those words I had read in the message she sent to break up with me came speeding back. I don't love you anymore. I could barely breathe now. I had held in my grief for far too long. Lucifer had knocked on the door to my heart and I was stupid enough to let him in. I couldn't help but to remember every single time I would tell Love how unreal this felt and how fatal this could be. I would tell her that it didn't seem right. "I know the enemy, he likes to present to you all that you have ever wanted and then take it all away to hurt you where he knows it will hurt the most." I would tell her that if she were to ever leave me it would truly hurt. Sometimes people do things unintentionally. You slip and you tell them where your weak spots are and unintentionally that is what they target. And here I was, she had left me for the third time and something inside me was sure she wasn't coming back. She told me later on that I shouldn't have told her those types of things because it made her feel trapped... If you are reading this and slowly getting something out of it please PLEASE PLEASE make sure you note this one down too: No one has ever wanted to fall in love with pity, believe me.