Unspoken

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

"Irina, wait. Could we have a moment?" Why does luck hate me so much? Why does the universe hate me so much? Why is the last person I would want to talk to right now in this world calling my name?

"We'll leave you two for a moment, just don't take too long." And with that everyone walks past me out of the room. The doors close and we are the only ones standing in the room. I don't even dare to turn around so I stay as I were, my back turned to her.

"Ты так и не посмотришь на меня?" Hearing russian coming out of her mouth sends shivers down my spine. I don't remember when was the last time I felt so uncomfortable. "Don't." I say firmly and so coldly that the room is completely silent for a few seconds.

"Does Yelena know about you participating in this mission?" It's been eighteen years and it's like nothing has changed. She really has nothing else to ask me about after all this time? Not a single thing? Not having any desire to continue this meaningless conversation I shake my head in disappointment and sigh through a little laugh. I take two steps toward the door wanting to leave.

"Wait, Irina!" I don't know what I'm expecting from her to say this time but for some reason I stop, giving her last chance to talk to me.

"Listen, I'm just worried. I'm also happy to see you being...", "Alive?" I interrupt her, genuinely interested in her answer.

She takes a deep breath and continues right after. " I am really sorry about everything that happened and about everything you must have gone through. I understand that you might be really mad at me and at everyone else in this world but...", "Might be mad?" I can feel my body tense and being so close to losing control over my words.

"Yes, and of course you have every reason to be but I just want you to know that I'm always here for you, even after what happened I want you to know I didn't leave yo..." That's it. That was enough. Before I get time to think about anything my legs take control over my body making me turn around and look at her.

"You indeed did! You literally left me and Yelena to die! You didn't care about us, you only cared about saving your own ass and if I wouldn't have known how to use a fucking gun at the age of eight we both would have been dead thanks to you! So don't you stand there all mature and grown up now and try to save your own ass once again!!"

Despite all the burning anger inside of me I can't help but notice how much she has changed. She is a whole grown woman now, not a teenager anymore. She reminds me a lot of how she used to look before but a lot has changed in her since then. The only thing that hasn't changed is how manipulative she always speaks.

"What are you talking about? I would have never just left you. I was coming back for you with a bigger group, it was all temporary!"

"Oh I'm sure you were!"

"Yes I was, Irina! I had a plan, I was never going to just leave you! You are my sister Ira, my blood, how could you think I could ever just stop caring about you?"

"I am not your sister! I lost my sister the second she turned her back on me! That exact moment she died in my eyes, so the only sister I have left is Yelena." I say spitefully but it feels somehow good to let this all out after all these years. I can feel that I won't stop now any time soon until I let it all out on her.

"I know the way I decided to do things wasn't the best way to do them but we were all just bunch of broken kids. If I could turn back time Irina, believe me I would."

"No you wouldn't!"

"Of course I would, in a sight!"

"No you fucking wouldn't! At least if you can't stop lying to everyone around you stop lying to yourself! You would never go back to that shithole! You would never spend another second in that hell even in order to do things differently! You would never, because you are a selfish, self oriented, fake fucking bitch."