The Seer of Iros

16

Lillian

It's been four days since Finch and his army left for the border and I'm in my reading room trying to calm my nerves before bed. We leave for the capital in the morning. I found out two days ago there was an act of war and Finch is currently in battle.

My nerves have been shot. I know I shouldn't worry about him, that he's strong and capable but I just can't help it. Not being able to focus on the smutty romance novel I was trying to read I put it down. "Please be ok." I whisper to myself. I haven't really felt like socializing much since he left everything just seems dull now that he's gone. I've done a few things here and there with Hayley and Patrick but I've kept quiet about Finch, not letting them know how much my thoughts are consumed by him. Or how worried I am.

We've talked about the war a little since we heard the news but they don't seem too worried about the current state of things. I could tell my father and mother seemed more concerned like me during dinner earlier tonight. Also my father seemed anxious to go ahead and send me off to the capital thinking it will be safer there. We are only about 50 miles from the border and I tried to convince them to come with me, Hayley and Patrick. But my father said he had too much to wrap up in Jarvic before the gala and I can tell mother doesn't want to leave him here by himself. The gala hasn't been canceled in light of the war which I was a little surprised about.

It's almost a month away so maybe they still could if this conflict gets any worse in the coming weeks. I'm not excited at all the way I was before to enjoy the season. Now my thoughts are consumed by Finch, is he ok? When will I get to see him again? Will I ever get to see him again?

I stop myself and shake my head. I can't think like that. Of course I'll see him again. I just don't know when and all of this unknowing is starting to drive me crazy. It hasn't even been a week. How am I going to survive weeks or months? I just keep hoping I'll receive a letter soon. He said he'll write to me and send it to the capital. Perhaps he already has and it's already arrived. I'll get it when I reach the palace...one can only hope.

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The next morning I woke up exhausted. All I did was toss and turn. Being in my bed where we've shared our first time together doesn't help either. I've never been this consumed with thoughts of a man before but Finch is just different. I could even still smell traces of him on my pillows and whined a little last night when I realized it was fading.

I get this deep feeling that he was meant for me. I don't know what it is but I know it's real and I would give anything to feel his arms surround me in a warm hug again where I can't help but feel protected. I'm now sitting in our large carriage. Hayley is next to me and Patrick sits across from us. We have a caravan traveling with us as we are bringing all of our personal horses and we have trunks full of belongings to last us up to four months for the season. Also knowing Hayley we'll be shopping for even more.

Sometimes I grow tired of buying new things. I have plenty of items as it is. I've started finding myself the last few years buying more and more things for friends and others than for myself.

The three of us talked very lively for the first couple hours but now all sit quietly. Hayley has actually fallen asleep and Patrick picked up a book to read. I've just been content looking out the windows. I'm currently watching Isabelle trot next to the carriage loosely tied to one of the guards horses who's traveling with us. She's a good girl and she doesn't like to stray far from me when she knows I'm near.

Later on I'll most likely ride her for a while. The capital is a good 200 miles from Jarvic and it will take us 2 days to travel there. We'll have to stay overnight at an Inn at the halfway point in a larger town called Hillside. It just means I'll be even further away from Finch this also means further from the battlefield. I still can't believe the Platians started a war with us. All because we didn't let them build a road through our country? I get the sense that there's more to all of this and the crown certainly isn't going to let all of us lowly citizens know. I also know if Finch and I are sending letters he'll be careful and will most likely stay vague about what's really happening.

My father and I talked about it alone a little before I left this morning. He told me in confidence that it's a possibility Finch's letters could get lost because of this conflict. He said oftentimes messengers can be hunted down and it's a very dangerous job. That they can be also taken and read before being handed to me so he knows Finch will be cautious and will most likely keep it light.

He warned me to also be cautious and to not divulge too much about what's going on in the capital. To just speak about friends and not to mention too much about places or events. Who knew having a thing for the commander of an army could be so complicated? It's a lot more than I have thought of before and I'm glad my father gave me some guidance on the subject.

He has said he has to also be cautious with letters sometimes being in the merchant and trading business.

I look over at Patrick and he must feel my gaze because he looks up at me. I give him a soft smile and he sets his book down next to him.

"Don't think I haven't noticed you pinning and worrying over a certain commander. I may be giving you some space about it but I know it's bothering you wondering about Finch."

"You read me almost too well Pat. You're right I am worried and pinning. I miss him so much and it's so strange since I've only known him for a short time. But I just can't stop myself from wondering if he's ok and just simply wanting to see him again. Do you think I'm going overboard?"

"No, I think it's perfectly normal for you to have these feelings. Even though it was only for a few days I can tell you shared something deep with each other. It's only natural to be worried about him. I mean he's off killing the enemy and could get badly injured or worse."

"And I hate thinking of that possibility. We've only just met and I feel like we've started something wonderful. I'd hate to see our relationship wither before it can even bloom."

"Listen to you being all poetic. You've got it bad Lill." He says now grinning at me.

"I knowww," I draw out then huff looking back out the window.

"Well if it means anything even though I was concerned at first about you being interested in him, I no longer am. I'm rooting for you two. Getting to know him better at dinner and then during cards the night before they had to leave, I found Finch and Talon quite fun to be around. I can see myself being friends with them. I apologize again for being so judgemental in the beginning."

"It's ok, thank you for telling me that Pat, it really means a lot. We just grew up in this high society world and I get where you were coming from but you know my parents they would never look down on someone like Finch. Especially with all he's accomplished at such a young age. My father actually gave me his blessing telling me he approved of Finch if I continued to pursue him."

"That's great Lillian. I'm glad he said that to you. It makes me feel better confirming they approve of the two of you. Now convincing Hayley on the other hand." He says looking over at our friend who is sleeping very deeply at the moment.

"I know, she thinks of this thing I have with Finch as a fling. Something I am filling my time with until marrying a duke. I don't know how to get through to her that it's more than that. That I want more with Finch than just some passing fling."

"I can tell, but we both know she thinks down on others who were not born into this world. She thinks we're better just based on the families we were born into but our fathers taught us different. We also traveled with our fathers and learned about all the different ways people are born and raised all the while she was in etiquette and boarding schools learning how to be a proper aristocrat and getting herself into trouble by sneaking into the boys' dorms."

"I know it's ingrained in her. I fear the older we get the more I drift from her and it scares me because we've been attached at the hip since we were 6 years old. I just know I think differently from her and that we're slowly going in opposite directions with how we think life should be lived."

"I see it. But I also see that it may be a good thing. I love Hayley, don't get me wrong, but don't let her drag you down or drag you in a direction you don't want to go. We've known each other just as long or even longer than the two of you and I know you Lillian. I know how kind you are and how you're always thinking of others. I've watched you do things you'd rather not simply because you didn't want to hurt her feelings. You can be best friends with her and still say no once in a while."

I just nod at that, "You're a good friend Patrick."

"Thanks, I think you're a pretty good friend too Lillian."

We then both go quiet and I get lost in thoughts of Finch again.