TOXIC (Dark Mafia Romance)

Chapter 15 (sensitive themes)

author's note: kung tayo po ay may mga pinagdadaanan o kung kailangan lang po natin ng makakausap, maaari po tayong dumulog sa mga hotlines na nakatala sa website ng dswd: 

New National Center for Mental Health (NCMH) Crisis Hotlines

(24/7 mental health crisis phone services):

09178998727 (USAP)
989-8727 (USAP)

Natasha Goulbourn Foundation (NGF) / Hopeline Philippines

(02) 804-4673 (HOPE)
0917-558-4673 (Globe)
0918-873-4673 (Smart) or
2919 (toll-free for GLOBE and TM subscribers)

CHAPTER 15

SINALUBONG kami ng mga doktor at nurses nang huminto ang van sa tapat ng emergency ng 'ospital.

Agad nilang inilipat sina Riza at ang nanay ng dalagita sa mga gurney at agad sinugod sa loob.

I ran behind them, my vision blurry and my head foggy.

The nurses stopped me at the emergency entrance and shut the door in my face.

I hugged myself as I sobbed.

This was my fault.

I should have been here earlier. I should have–

"Snap out of it." Alessio's brusque voice lashed at me.

Sobbing, I lifted my face and stared up at him. De Luca's face held no mercy, and every line of his body was strung tight as he stood beside me. His gray eyes were fixed at the emergency door.

"It's not your fucking fault."

Wasn't it?

"I-I should have come earlier. I should have–"

"You can't fucking save everyone, Antonia."

Pumikit ako at hinipitan ang yakap sa sarili.

Wrong.

He was so wrong. I could have done something. I could have prevented this. It didn't have to be like this. If only I had come earlier, if only I had listened to Danica and checked on the kid earlier, if only I wasn't so stupid and selfish, I could have prevented this, I could have prevented all of this.

I found myself sitting on a pew inside the hospital's chapel.

I didn't deserve to be there. I didn't have the right to cry there and ask God for mercy. I only ever blamed Him and asked Him why. I only ever came to Him when something wrong happened and asked Him to do something. And when He didn't give them to me, I shunned Him. I forsook Him. Then I would come back and ask Him again when I needed Him.

I was horrid.

I only ever asked and never truly gave anything in return, did I? And here I was again, asking, and I knew that if He didn't give it to me, I knew I would be angry and I would hate Him.

I clasped my hand over my mouth as I prayed.

I didn't deserve it. I made promises even though I had broken so many other promises. I bargained even though I knew I had no right to bargain. But it was the only thing I could do. Because in the end, there was really nothing I could do.

Naramdaman ko ang paglapit ng kung sino sa akin. Umiiyak kong itinaas ang tingin at nakita si Frank na nakalahad ang isang kamay. Phone iyon ng lalaki.

"Your friend," mababa niyang saad.