Dvandva (On hold)

Part 1 : Dasha Varshani

Her

"Sitae, Sitae where are you ?". She could hear him approaching from the wooden fence of their humble but cosy hut her husband and brother in law had built. She called out to her husband to come to backyard where she is grinding wheat. Her husband reached to her soon enough bending his tall frame to cross the behind door to reach the backyard. Coming closer to her he surveyed the scene with her at the center surrounded by wheat kernels and wheat flour. He chortled while he sat , wiping her cheeks "Where did you get hold of wheat?". She replied "Savitri Ma gave me. It seems some rich merchant passing by offered it to Ashram". Her husband still caressing her cheek hummed in acknowledgment.
"how long you have been grinding? Can i help?" . Smiling widely she encircled his arm caressing her cheek with her forearm without her dusty palms touching his hand, "Its almost done. You can help me cook roti. I suspect Lakshman will be so hungry tonight"
She can still hear the echoes of their shared amusement through the resonance of their laughter.

*********

It appears to be couple of hours post noon with Sun receding towards the picturesque Vindhya range. They say everything shines brighter before dying out and Sun is not any different shining brighter and brighter before he decides to extinguish himself till the next morning. Bhumija is lost in thoughts while grinding wheat, her hand holding the wooden handle going round and round the grinding stone. Rhythmic sound of the grinding stone had made her go down the memory lane without her realising, when she hears the sweet wave of laughter. This sound is different from what she just reminisced from the memory of ages ago. This is not of a man and a woman's. This is of two innocent girls sharing a joke and finding amusement in their daily chores. Dhatri her 10 year old daughter is holding some roots to cook tonight and Kriti her sister in all but blood holding firewood. Looks like she has spent quite sometime in grinding but did not realise. It has always been like this in last 5 years or so. It is difficult to guess when and where memories starts to flood where she is soon drowned in it. It took her more than three years to get over the hurt, the sheer pain of betrayal , the bitterness of her insult. Denial, anger and finally acceptance. Embarking on this journey with two kids in her abdomen has taken its toll. She is no more the person of 10 years ago. Innocence turned into shrewd, hopefullness turned into pragmatic, cheerfulness to bitterness. Sometimes she feels like memories she is drowning in is not hers anymore. Initial days of her acceptance of her fate she used to get impacted a lot. It was difficult to get out of that sombreness. Only silently crying at night would help her. But now most of the memories she delves on, it is as though she is looking at somebody else' memory. She can go in and out of it without affecting her much. Somebody has rightly said Time is the boon and bane for humankind. It can cause pain also heal the same pain. Healing is a heavy word no? She does not believe she can ever be healed in this lifetime. Else she would be back to who she was 10 years ago. Time just dries up the wound a bit but not heal it. If we scratch the wound it opens up only for the time to barge in to dry it again.

"Maa, arent you done with the flour yet. Can we go towards our sunset point. Its been days we have gone there". Bhumija picking up last batch of wheat kernels to add the grinding stone replied with a slight smile "Almost done. Kriti help me clean this meanwhile you go to Ashram to check if anyone wants to join us. I am sure Manu nani would like to. Do not forget to call Vishwa. He is near the muni ashram playing". Dhatri already sprinting towards the asram "i will anyway have to get Varuni too else i would not bother to call Bhai". Kriti coming closer to Bhumija with the broom to clear up the husks on the floor of the outer patio of their humble hut prepared and cleaned every fortnight with fresh cow dung, laughed "why does siblings find it necessary to prove every time that they dont care". Bhumija replied cryptically "i would have asked my own if i could". Kriti heaved a sigh watching Bhumija carry the grounded floor in the basket knowing very well thats all she will get out of her .

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Him

"Never really gave a thought preparing paste for the Tilak would take so much effort out of you" Ram said as he looked at his wife concentrated on applying Tilak the way he likes standing close to him on a small wooden stool. "Its not much work. I have to do spend some time once in fortnight. Also as if i have much work. I think i am more lazier here than in palace. Be it before marriage or after" His wife responded still very much concentrated on applying Tilak. Ram chuckled placing his hands on her hip "I am not sure if anyone in this world would put it this way if ever they get chance to be in a palace". "I think lots would, atleast with a temperament as mine they would quickly find out palace is not all fairy tales soon enough. Here done". Ram frowned slightly looking at her "Sitae, i know you are not fan of some of the boundaries that are put up with respect to the relationships within the family. I wish i could give you a family as simple as yours but you know with as big as family of ours with its rich history and its expectations it is bound to create a sense of formality. It took me a while too while growing up. Particularly challenging as i grew mature was to accept that so many women i called mother meant my father had so many wives." His wife getting down from the stool quietly laid her head on his chest closing her eyes "I am not complaining am i? It is just an observation of how every life we get has roses but you cannot escape thorns". Ram holding her tightly agreed with a hum.

*****

Rama had thought wrongly that night time will be the most painful time for him. During the day he has innumerable tasks to complete as the emperor of the huge kingdom of Kosala. Administration , Military , Judicial every wing of the kingdom is closely monitored by him. He has three very loyal, trusted brothers helping him by managing various regions but Kosala is not a small kingdom to start with and with the continuous expansion it is now a huge empire. Having to live without his wife has already drained him of all the youthful energy he had. So Rama is exhausted by the end of the day which is exactly what he counts on. Emptiness eludes him for a while when he is busy or exhausted. So somehow in the night he manages to fall asleep looking at the moon his favourite since he was a kid. But its the early hours of morning when he wakes up is the most dreadful. The sheer emptiness of his life haunts him then. Thoughts on whereabout of his family flood him with so much force. Thoughts of his wife is aways mixture of sweet memories with bitter guilt of him not able to give her the life he promised. But thoughts of his child is the most unbearable. There are no memories sweet or bitter to start with. He keeps track of their age while imagining them with a face but for all his effort cannot fully picture. He sometimes imagines they would be like her and sometimes like him but those flashes of imagination gets no where concrete frustrating him.All these painful, guiltful thoughts leads him to put all his remaining energy mental and physical to get up and to go through another day.

"Bhaiya. Are you up ?" he hears Lakshmana outside the door. Rama answers "Yes.come in" while getting up from the floor mat where he sleeps every day near the balcony. His brother enters going directly towards water jug pouring some water to offer it to his brother. Rama looks at him thankfully, fully aware that his brother does this ritual every day not because he needs someone to serve him but knowing how he needs this push. His brother has always been this sensitive towards him. When he expresses exactly that his brother retorts immediately "You are too. You just dont realise when you are being sensitive to others' feelings"