From the heart

i need you

I  have abandonment issues...

   .... So when you sleep on your side of the bed with no "goodnight"
      No I love you. No kiss, just nothing but your back to me and the, I can feel the distance, that space between us in my heart, my soul and my mind. It may not matter to you but it does to me.
   Ik we talked abt this that I need to talk abt my feelings but I can't say these to you bc I will feel as if I am in the wrong. I will feel as if I should not be feeling this way.
   A part of me wants to reach out and hold you but I can't....
  I can't. I can't hold you bc of the space I feel, that emptiness, that void that you once filled in my heart. But it's lil moments like this that break me. Bc I feel as if in your heart, your soul, doesn't need.. Me

   You see that distance in the bed, is not just in the bed it's in my heart. I feel every ounce of tension, as you lay there in a peaceful sleep as if I wasn't there.
 
  I wish I had your mindset bc at least then all the pain I feel, all of my hurt, my sorrows and worries would not bother me. Other thoughts would not hurt me. I wouldn't care abt any of it.

But I don't, I can't be as lay back as you are, I can't just be with you and be ok with sleeping alone, I can't me married and would be completely ok with you leaving me. My side. My heart. My soul.

  I need you.
But do you need me?.. Truly
I  asking, Do you actually need me?