MASKING 101

5: Wounds

(time skip)

I was hunched over the bathroom toilet vomiting, school was almost over for the day so I only had to suffer for at least an hour longer before I could stumble back to Will's house which compared to school was a silent haven where I wouldn't have to worry about ridicule and masking as much. 
I looked up at the ceiling as I hoped to the cosmos that I was done regurgitating my breakfast and lunch from earlier.

I had been released from the hospital the day before and Will had driven me home and made sure I took several naps during the day between light meals and puking. "If there's a god make the puking stop!" I cried at the drop ceiling as the now familiar taste of acidic vomit made its way up my esophagus.....

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Jude had found me earlier in the school day so I had a couple new nicks and cuts that Sawyer would fawn over while Will just sighed and left the room; it had been three or four weeks since I had essentially moved to my brother's house while my dad was left at home to deal with mom. Will was leaning against his car when I walked outside exhausted and empty feeling. "Jesus, you told me this morning you were fine to go to school today, you're looking worse off then yesterday." He told me while I clicked the seat belt in place and my stomach growled. "...home." I mumbled searching through my bag for the only thing I could consume without worry of it coming back up; smoothies with lots of fruit, Sawyer had started making them after I came back from the hospital and I found that I thoroughly enjoyed them. "I got laid off, well actually I quit cause I was offered a better job at a family medicine office a few minutes away," He explained as he put the car in drive. "So you..." I paused to take a tentative sip of the purple contents of the glass bottle Sawyer had packed in my lunch bag. "...quit because of me?" I asked slowly, Will pulled his mask off before taking a long drink from his dented water bottle. "No, and I don't want you to think that it was your fault that I quit my job." He told me, I looked at the black water bottle and wondered what was in it. "Scott called and told me that Claire's going off her rocker about you; again not your fault, I was thinking that you should start counseling soon since you're a bit more adjusted." He offered while he turned up the radio; today's soundtrack was David Bowie. I looked at the water bottle again and thought maybe it was alcohol but it didn't smell like it and Will didn't seem like a person that liked drinking beer, wine, rum etc. While I was thinking of all the things it could be I heard my brother release a small laugh into the car. "Is it really that hard to guess what's in the bottle?" He asked tapping on the lid, I found myself nodding; Will once he was stopped at a light picked it up and handed it to me. "taste some of it." He said, I took the bottle and drummed my fingertips on the cylindrical object as Will started driving again. "It's not anything illegal Em," He told me as he unscrewed the cap, it didn't smell like anything strong; it kind of smelled like tropical fruit. "It doesn't taste gross or anything." He assured me, I looked at my smoothie and cleared my throat. "It's not going...to make me vomit is it?" I asked, Will shook his head. "It shouldn't." He answered, after debating with myself on the subject I finally brought myself the take a small sip, it tasted like peaches and pineapple. "What is it?" I asked, Will took the bottle back and set it down before answering. "It's just flavored electrolyte water, nothing special." He replied with a small smile as he pulled into the neighborhood. I looked out the window and saw a green haired boy walking with a raven haired girl as Will pulled into the driveway and put it in park. I got out after a minute and stumbled to the front porch, my knees buckled from exhaustion and I wasn't able to brace my fall so I fell onto the grass on my casted arm with a yelp. Will was still in the car so it was up to me to get myself up and inside the house, after several tries I was able to at least sit up on my bum, the people I saw walking on the sidewalk crossed the street a bit after and the green haired guy grinned at me; his eyes startled me. "Hey Ally Sheedy!" He waved at me as he walked passed with his friend.
 "She doesn't look like Allison! I don't know how many more times I hafta tell you Sunshine." the boy's friend argued, she seemed annoyed but the boy laughed. "See ya around Winona Ryder." He called as his friend groaned. Will got out of the car on the phone. "Don't let that woman near her!" He yelled, his voice was scary. I got up wobbly and walked into the house with my bag on my back. "No, she's the reason Rei's got the glasgow marks!" Will shouted, I crawled upstairs unable to escape the yelling and the pounding in my head. Once I was in my room I screamed, not able to regulate my emotions through the migraine, Sawyer popped her head into the room. "Are you okay in here Emory?" She asked, I nodded and crawled underneath the my comforter after grabbing Titus from my bed. Arnie was on the floor so for the first time since I had made him he was left out of my comfort strategy. Sawyer had left leaving the door open a crack; I still heard Will shouting and smacking things. "Come on...Titus.." I whispered to the bear before padding out of the room, I was worried that he would start hurting Sawyer because he was angry, my mom did that sometimes to me...She might've never caused a bruise on my skin but she made me feel helpless and that I wasn't strong or independent enough to do things for myself. I stopped in the doorway of the kitchen and I saw Will pulling at his hair and his face was scrunched up as Sawyer was sitting across from him; she seemed okay but my brother was not, he was holding his phone tightly and Sawyer was trying her best to take it from him.
"She's going to die..." He growled, I walked slowly into the kitchen and sat on the floor next to the back door. "You can't do anything about it Will." Sawyer was slowly prying the phone from Will's hands and he started pulling his hair harder. "I could've, If I wasn't so damn selfish! If I had just fucking stayed there..." He was scaring me, I had never seen him like this and the next thing he did made me jump. Sawyer moved a considerable distance from him as soon as Will had his fingers wrapped around his water bottle, he looked at the metal container then threw it across the room, the bottle hit the front door with a clang and Sawyer seemed to know what to do next. "Will, you were being harassed; leaving was the right thing to do." She told him sternly, Will shook his head. "I left so many people....Andrew's probably gonna be tossed out on his ass cause I'm not there, I could've put up with Dylan.." He told his girlfriend, Sawyer shook her head. None of them noticed I had come into the kitchen. "No Will, he was hurting you; Emory might've missed it but I know for a fact that you aren't hurting yourself." Sawyer put her hands on Will's thighs and kissed his nose. "You're hurting, and yeah I know leaving those kids to the care inadequate people was probably the hardest thing ever..but you have to take care of yourself." Sawyer told him, Will looked at the ceiling and stared at the fan as a stream of tears dropped onto his jeans. "I can't Sawyer..." 
"You can.." She insisted
"Those kids..."
"Have Baron and several other people.." She reminded him.
"I feel like I'm letting them down.." He cried
"You're not Will..." Sawyer cupped her hands on his face and shook her head.
"You have to forgive yourself darling.."
Will closed his eyes. "It feels so wrong.." He whispered, I got up from my sitting place not knowing or understanding what was happening I felt that Will needed some sort of help and I wanted to help him like he helped me. I put my hands gingerly on the edge of the chair not putting a huge amount of pressure on my fingers since I had no desire to break them again and they were still stiff; I crouched down and grabbed Titus from where he had dropped. "Will.." My voice was featherweight and he was startled. "Here...." I offered him my bear and he shook his head. "No, that's yours." He replied, not taking no for an answer I set the aged stuffed toy on my brother's lap accidentally putting pressure on his leg making him grab my hand while he inhaled sharply. "S-sorry..." I apologized profusely, Will let my hand go and stood up. "It's alright." He told me before walking out back. I looked at Sawyer and she sighed. "Leave him be..." She told me, I shook my head and followed Will outside where he was looking through a bag sitting on a table. "What are you doing Emory?" He asked without turning around, I shrugged. "I-I-I wanted to uh help...-" 
"Quit stuttering," He spat, why was Will acting like this? I took a shaky breath as I backed up into the grill that was standing two feet away. "I'm...Sor-" He turned and cut me off. 
"Quit apologizing for shit that you didn't do for Christ's sake!" He yelled at me, I blinked back tears but a few escaped as my body froze. I couldn't move; Will was terrifying like this....What happened in the span of two minutes?!!! 
"Go inside..." He muttered, I was stuck in place waiting for the inevitable....My parents never laid a hand on me but I had plenty of other experiences with angry people..and they all ended with a new bruise on my body; Will looked at me with a hard glare, I had done something...I knew I did, finally able to move I ran inside dropping Titus on the cement of the back porch; Sawyer had left the kitchen and knowing somehow that Will wasn't following me I opened the drawer where they kept the knives; I slid the paring knife into my waistband of my pants before running upstairs and shutting the bathroom door....