A viking funeral

PROLOGUE

- Are you asleep?
I smiled to myself.
- Do you think I pass out after every time you make love to me?
He left a quiet laughter. I felt his large body coming closer and trapping me in his arms.
The warmth of his body felt comfortable on my skin. How many times have I hated myself for enjoying that comfort? I should hate him. I should despise the very act of loving him. But at last...
- Is it wrong that I am happy to be here?
- It is, he responded, but I am glad.
I get myself comfortable in his arms.
- Is it tomorrow that you are leaving again?
- It is.
- Will you be safe?
A pause.
I break free of his arms and sit on the bed. I turn to face him in the darkness.
- YOU WILL BE SAFE!
He laughed.
- I can’t give you such a promise.
- That is not what men say to their lovers in my country.
- You mean the ones of your likes or the ones that were begging us not to slaughter them?
His words struck a chord in me that I did not know I had.
- I might have grown accustomed to you but that doesn’t give you the right to insult me!
- I just made love to you and you are trying to pretend you are a man all of a sudden?
He made the act, suddenly feel so empty...
It wasn’t!
- So do I have to make love to you, to prove you I am a man is that what you want?
He opened his mouth to speak, but he changed his mind.
I turned my back to him.
He slowly raised and hugged me.
- I worry not for what defines you. I have nothing but love for you in my heart.
- And your wife?
- That is different.
- And your other thralls?
- I have never touched another the way I have you.
We stayed silent for a moment enjoying each other. I did not dare to trust his words.

It is not but an act. Don’t give him space to hurt you!

- You don’t have to do all this...
- What are you saying?
He rested his head on my left shoulder with eyes curious and hands lovingly embracing my torso.
- I can’t resist whatever you might lust of me, I am at your mercy. You don’t need to say you love me.
- Do you not?
- That is not what I said...
- You do not trust me?
- How could I?
He forced me to turn and face him. We looked each other in the eyes and then he carefully lowered his head onto mine. 
- Then maybe you haven’t lost your mind completely.
- Do you prefer me not trusting you? Do you want me to despise you? To fear you?
I responded softly.
I closed my eyes. Letting our foreheads softly pump each other.  We were saying the most cruel of things in the presence of each other and treating them like they were mere words of admiration.
- You would be a fool not to.
I opened my eyes.
- Then I am a fool for loving a man and double the fool for loving the man who hurt me, took me as a slave, and burned my city to the ground! Triple the fool for forgiving him, and four times the fool for learning to trust him!
He let my head go and looked deep into my soul. In his eyes I could see regret and sadness but also love and care.
- So, you do trust me!
He smiled with that mischievous smile of his like he caught me on a lie.
It wasn’t a lie...but it wasn’t the whole truth.
I felt my cheeks burning red hot.
He put distance between us. He turned his sight on the floor.
- It was not about you. That is what a warrior has to do. I don’t regret it, but I cannot forgive myself for hurting you. It had to be done...
I took him in my arms and we laid back down.
- It is an unpleasant memory that I wish for us to  leave behind.
- If I die, they will come asking for you.
He said out of nowhere.
- You are not allowed to die!
- If Odin asks of me I have no choice but to answer.
- Tell Odin if he asks of you I will break all his tables and then he won't be able to have a feast for you or any other warrior ever again.
He laughed.
- I am being serious, he continued. If I was to die, I do not permit you to accompany me.
- I can’t stay back and watch as someone, else climbs in the ship and lays next to you.
- You don’t understand, I don’t want you to suffer any more for me!
- There will be no suffering.
- YOU WILL NOT FOLLOW ME!
I looked at him shadowing me, surprised even himself, with his outburst.
- I won’t be able to face your family again if I was to cower.
- The family loves you, they will take care of you. I will tell them! I will make sure they know my wishes!
- You cannot ask me this. you are the one that follows the tradition and now you ask of me not to?
- YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SUCRIFICE YOURSELF TO ME! THIS IS MY ORDER AND YOU WILL OBEY!
I slowly raised up to him and touch his face and then his hair, and his lips and I kissed him softly.
- Don’t die.