My Self-Improvement Journey

How To Be Confident About Spending Time Alone?

Do you ever find yourself pretending to scroll on your phone in public?

      Do you find yourself looking around, as if waiting on someone to pity or judge you for being alone?

     I do. Quite often actually but I'm working on changing that.

     I'm learning to not feel awkward about spending time alone. Because I already know that I quite enjoy time spent with myself. So if I'm not ashamed of spending time in my company in the safety of my home, of dancing by myself in my living room, why should it be any different in public?

     There's no rules stating that you have to go anywhere with someone.

     You can treat yourself to supper at your favourite restaurant, and you don't have to do so by ordering out. You can dine in, in a fancy outfit and sparkling candles. Nobody said that the chair in front of you has to be full.

     Lately, I'm noticing that I'm stopping myself from doing a lot of things that I want to do, because I'm waiting to have someone to do them with.

      With that in mind, I'm trying to correct my behaviour, but every time I consider the idea of doing them alone, I shrink. I think: "I'm much too awkward. I'm not confident enough. How will I walk into that spa alone with my head held high, when my mind keeps telling me that people will laugh?"

      I've always struggled with caring too much about other people's opinion. And as much as I'm trying to correct those thoughts, sometimes they stir again and won't quiet no matter how much I try to silence them.

      I keep reminding myself that it doesn't matter what they think and that it is highly unlikely that they're even thinking of me.

      Of the million things we have on our plates, from work, relationships, family problems, bills, etc,. is a stranger really going to spend their day thinking about me? I doubt it. They have a million other things to think about.

      When I consider the idea that other people might be worried about what I'm thinking about them, I almost laugh. Because I'm rarely thinking about strangers, instead caught up in my own thoughts. It makes me realize that they're likely in the same boat.

      I would never laugh or think it odd to see someone anywhere, alone. I wouldn't laugh at someone having supper by themselves. I wouldn't laugh at someone enjoying a day at the spa, fair or club alone. I'd smile in admiration. I would be proud for this stranger living their life authentically.

     Because there's nothing wrong with doing things by yourself. There's much to be admired about the confidence and independence of doing so.

      And if a few people disagree and do laugh, it still doesn't matter. Are we really going to let another person's opinion rule our lives? Are we going to miss out on things we love because someone might react badly?

      I recently went on a trip with my best friend. It was just the two of us, and sometimes we wanted to do different things. My friend wanted to spend the nights in the room, climbing into bed right after supper, but I wasn't ready to go to bed. I wanted to enjoy the night. I didn't feel like scrolling on my phone until my eyes grew tired.

      So, while it went against all of my usual reservations, I took my book to the lobby, sat down and read. I felt awkward at first. Many of the tables around me were full, filled with groups or pairs. I was the only person sitting alone.

      It was hard to ignore the insecurities bouncing in my head, but I was determined to enjoy myself. I pulled out my book, enjoyed the fresh breeze of the open balcony and read.

      Just as I was growing comfortable, I was startled by the waitress asking me if I wanted anything to drink. I half-expected to see pity flashing across her pupils, but instead she greeted me with a genuine smile. I know it's there job, but she seemed happy to see me. She took my order, because yes I figured that I might as well have a cocktail by myself as well, and headed back towards the bar.

      When she handed me the drink, she said, "there you go, mi reina." Mi reina translates to "my queen". I don't know if she knew that I needed a little boost of confidence but I held my head up a little higher after that. My shoulders eased a little, and I was much more comfortable in my seat.

      Because she faced me with no judgement.

      When I finally did go up to my room, I was pretty pleased with myself. I vowed to keep pushing that comfort zone, because I was meant with only feelings of contentment and pride.

      Next time you're feeling awkward for standing alone in public, force yourself not to pull your phone out. Don't give in to the discomfort; confront it head it on. You don't need to scroll aimlessly through your phone as you wait for your order. You can stand there silently and do nothing. It doesn't matter if someone thinks that you look lonely or lost.

      There's absolutely no shame in doing things alone sometimes. Maybe a few spoiled apples will make you feel otherwise, but try to ignore them. Because I can guarantee that most other apples will either admire you or be so caught up in their own world that you go unoticed.