tomorrow, i have one of my biggest basketball matches ive ever been to, and im nervous as fuck. my teammates keep telling me that theres no need to stress, but i cant just tell my stomach to not hurt.
the worst part, is that i cant keep my mind on important things, i keep thinking about something. more exactly someone. my ex girlfriend. we broke up less than a month ago, and im still not over her. i hate but love her. she dumped me because she thinks we will be better apart, i dont understand why though and when i asked her she said she just doesnt feel like that about me anymore. im mad at her because of that, but i see her in the back of my mind all the time. i hate her so much, but i cant let go of her.
and im scared that we will lose the match just because of my stupid mind that cant keep my mind off of one thing. and everyone from my team knows how i feel about her, and they know im not really myself right now, but i just need to play it off somehow.
i just cant afford to lose the biggest match of the season just because i cant get over a fucking girl. im not ten years old.
-time skip-
its the day of the match, and im anxious as hell. were getting ready in the dressing room. theres so much tension in the room, if we lose this match, we will not play again this season. it is very important.
we are now walking up to the playing field. my hands are getting sweaty.
i heard the whistle blow, as it all started. i just have to stop overthinking everything, and ill be fine. i took a deep breath and focused on the ball.
we are leading by three points. not even a half of the time has passed, and i already feel so tired. my vision is so weird.
now, we are losing by one point. its halfway of the time, when my heart drops into my stomach. i see someone sitting at the bleachers. oh no. its the last person i wanted to see. its her, billie, also known as my ex. fuck i really didnt need to see her. she did this on purpose that bitch knew im playing, so she came here as a distraction for me. but i cant fall for it, i have to keep playing.
i havent scored one point. it was almost over, and we were losing by five points. theres no way we can win that. i tripped and almost fell over. what is wrong with me. i usually dont feel this tired so soon. anyway, it can maybe just be the stress. yea it will be the stress.
,,y/n, y/n!!" our coach shouted at me. i finally had the opportunity to score a point, but i missed it. guess why. that bitch was looking right at me, and when i looked at her too, one of the opponents took the ball, and my chance was over. fuck all because of her. im so angry right now.
once the match was over- weve lost by the way i walked straight to the crowd looking for a specific person. i couldnt find them though, i looked everywhere. i will go look outside.
it was raining.
then i saw her. billie. i walked right to her. she was standing there all alone.
,,who do we have here? hmm? is it who i think it is? could it be eilish?" i said toxically.
she looked me with a look, pretending to be confused ,,oh, so now that we arent together i cant even look at a fucking basketball match?"
,,oh please" i scoffed ,,you know damn well why you came here."
,,i- i came here to watch the match" she said again, this time not so confident. i cant decide if i want to slap or kiss her. this is what she does to me.
the rain was pretty heavy now, but neither of us moved.
,,what do you want from me? huh? please just tell me billie, i cant do this anymore." i asked desperately, voice shaky.
