INTRODUCTION

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T O T A L E C L I P S E O F
T H E H E A R T

"what have i become, my sweetest friend?"- johnny cash

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"what have i become, my sweetest friend?"
- johnny cash





down by the river – neil young
"i shot my baby."

tomorrow never came - lana del rey feat. sean ono lennon
"i waited for you, in the spot you said to wait"

oats in the water - ben howard
"and you'll fear what you found"

1979 – the smashing pumpkins
"we don't know just where our bones will rest"

lilac wine – jeff buckley
"i lost myself on a cool damp night. i gave myself in that misty light."

ophelia – the lumineers
"you've been on my mind, girl, since the flood."

in heaven– pixies
"everything is fine. you got your good things, and i've got mine."

strange fruit – billie holiday
"southern trees bear strange fruit, blood on the leaves and blood at the root."

jolene – dolly parton
"your beauty is beyond compare, with flaming locks of auburn hair."

peach – ethel cain
"heaven is a hole, and the devil wears a smile."

river – leon bridges
"oh, i wanna come near and give you every part of me, but there's blood on my hands, and my lips are unclean."

girl from the north country – bob dylan
"remember me to one who lives there, she once was a true love of mine."

i wait for you - alex g.
"nothing exists past the window sill"

cherry – lana del rey
"love, i said real love, it's like feeling no fear when you're standing in the face of danger."

devil's backbone – the civil wars
"don't care if he's guilty, don't care if he's not, he's good and he's bad and he's all that i've got."

pale moon – shovels & rope
"i ain't been home in such a long time, i just lost track of it somehow."

mary jane's last dance – tom petty
"one more time to kill the pain."














some people are born

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some people are born

just so they can be buried

just so they can be buried

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♢

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note from your author:

i don't own the walking dead. but if i did, carl would be alive and thriving.

literally.

that's the plot.

carl was never bit! hurray!

this takes place the day after the saviors bomb alexandria, where carl has realized mary (our gender bend ron anderson character) (they are lowkey each others biggest haters) stayed behind waiting for him and now they are traveling on foot to hilltop together.

as for the concept for the oc, a gender bend of ron anderson and said character shooting carl in the face, belongs to the incredible neverclear but aside from that, that is where the similarities end. her original and now (very sadly) deleted book focused on the build up and immediate aftermath of the event of the oc shooting out carls eye, my book is set about a year later during season 8, and the oc's have completely different personalities and manners of handling the entire thing. all the same, i did received permission to write this and just never posted it (i am terrible about publishing my work its so nerve wracking but clearly i'm getting more confident) so, thank you to neverclear who i don't believe is still active here but if she is, hi! hope you read and enjoy! her book 'all the lovely bad ones' is the inspiration to me and probably every other carl grimes fanfic writer out there. she's the og and amazingly talented, her writing had me sobbing, laughing, and falling in love with carl grimes all at once. if you haven't read her work you definitely should <3

this version of carl is like nothing i've written before—i tend to write carl with a very pure heart and morally obligated, in this he's a pent up ball of rage with a grudge holding problem and pride issues (although we'll eventually see glimpses of our sweet carl). he didn't have his random personality change ahem oops sorry "character arc" (that they never gave enough scene time to fully flesh out) where he went from shooting up the sanctuary to telling rick to hold hands with negan. he still has a serious vendetta against negan and is now stuck toting along his frenemy on the road trip from hell!

i was at a very messy place in life when i wrote this prepare for angst, yearning, and tension!

both carl and mary are 18

while there is no set faceclaim for mary but if you'd still like to have one, here are who i recommend:
- ellie bamber
- sophia lillis
- young! rachel hurd wood

this will be the only author's note.

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