Hearts Quick to Burn

X.

Time was slowly passing before New Year, and that same longing remained heavy in my heart – but there was nothing I could do about it, after all.

I would've felt horrible if I tried something again with Lana, because despite my past, I loved Henley. But I loved Lizzy, just like I loved Lana.

I loved everything about her, but I loved the comfort and stability that Henley was always giving me – with Lana, everything was burning too quickly, and I didn't want to be heartbroken again.

Whatever. We hadn't talked since the day after our 'date' – I guess I could call it that, though that term made me feel even more guilty.

I hated how she always disappeared after every event, but at the same time, I was never trying to talk to her either.

I just felt that after what happened between her and I, she should be the one who improves her communication skills – because, Lizzy, when you have a boyfriend and you sleep with a minor, you should question yourself.

...

DECEMBER 31
11 PM.

Henley hugged me, trying to reassure me as I shook my head. We wanted to go to a New Year's party together, but I had been sick all day and I really didn't want to end up sick and drunk at the same time.

"I really don't feel like going," I explained to him. "I'm sorry... You can go without me, I don't blame you, I'm just really sick right now."

"It's okay," he whispered. "You can stay and rest, I don't blame you either, but are you sure you don't mind if I go without you?"

"No, why?" I replied to him with a small smile.

"You're not fearing that I'd cheat on you?"

"Oh." There was a long moment of silence, during which I stared at him, thinking back to Lana's body pressed against mine. "I trust you," I finally added.

"Are you sure? When we got together, you were always saying that all those girls around me—"

"You're not gonna cheat on me, are you?" I cut him off, and he shook his head in response. "Well then, it's gonna be okay."

...

Midnight finally arrived as I lay under a pile of covers scrolling on my phone.

I immediately received messages like "Happy New Year, Grace!!" and responded quickly, knowing that the message I was really waiting for was from one person in particular.

—————

LANA: Happy new year Grace, I miss you
Xx

GRACE: happy new year to you too Lana!!

LANA: I'm longing to see you again

GRACE: i do too, but my relationship with Henley makes me feel so guilty...
i feel like a horrible person

LANA: Don't feel like this, I would've done the same if I was you – I don't want you to feel worse, but you should tell him what's going on

GRACE: it's not that simple, i can't just tell him like that, you don't understand

LANA: Okay, I don't understand and I may be stupid – but at least I'd like to give you your Christmas present, and then we'll stop talking if that's what you want