The Tale Of Something Else.

Chapter 7

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Sitting on the bench, I watched as busy officeworkers passed, some friends laughing like nothing mattered, some having double date, some couples and besties just enjoyed leaning on eachother as it was chilling cold. The autumn is finally here, I looked up at the evening sky, I didn't wanted to go home just yet. Sometimes, being alone is all I want. Such a peaceful time, I like having different feelings like this. Such feelings, its truly enchanting, like I have when I see Fuji..he makes me so happy even with his one glance. My heart flutters with warmth. It is the best feeling ever. I watched as the boy covered his girlfriend in his warm coat, she was smiling, they both were smiling. I cannot take my eyes off them, oh how much in love they look. But then again, I thought about my mother. Once, she was also in love with my 'real' father like this, when I was 12 I recalled correctly how they used to tease eachother while laughing like teenagers. Then just next day, my father would come home drunk, my mother used to shut the door at his face. He used to call me from outside, knocking and begging forgiveness to my mom. My heart always broke into several pieces, when I heard the voice, but I didn't have power to open the door for him. It was the worst feeling ever, how I wished my mother to just forgive him and let him inside the house from that cold night. But it was never like that, she was as stubborn as I knew and he was too. They both were stubborn in their own sense.

Maybe that's why their relationship didn't worked and then came my step-father. The man who is calm, patient and listens to whatever my mom says, that's the reason she chose to divorce my father. She found her man, the qualities she was looking for. Here I'm, in the middle with heart broken. Nor I had to let go of my father but also be forced to call him my 'Otosan'. I hate it so much.

Sigh..

I stood up, ready to leave. I took a deep breath and started walking towards my house. I love Fuji's parents so much, they are still in love with eachother. I wish my parents had never divorced, I don't even know how my father is. Just the thought of him being alone clenches ny heart. How can okaasan not feel any sympathy for him? How can one be so heartless. She is selfish for sure. I hate her. I walked down the alleyway and reached to the park, saw many children running here and there while giggling, some even crying when they tripped and fell down. Parents were dragging them home or scolding them. It was so fun to watch, but I don't feel happy anymore. My earlier thoughts took over my mind completely making my heart sour. I feel anger rising within me while watching them and made my way immediately towards my house.

I knocked on the door and heard footsteps, she opened the door and looked at me from top to bottom, as if I did something dirty like her. I scoffed and walked past her, I cannot handle her right now. Finally, she just stayed silent and went inside the kitcten, she must be surprised I was home early today. As soon as I reached my room, I plopped on my bed tiredly. I didn't do anything today and I am tired, maybe because I couldn't watch him long enough. Everything was tiresome other than him.

He is like the drug and I am already addicted to it, how much I'll try, I cannot afford to leave him. I cannot live without him. I need him in my life.

I sat up on the bed and stared out of the window, the sky was getting darker. I sting, I think I'll take a nice warm bath. Atleast it can slightly lighten up my mood. I got out of the bed and walked towards the bathroom. After the nice long bath, I was staring at my reflection through the mirror while rubbing my wet hair with the towel. The hair has grown long enough to reach till my waist. When I first saw Fuji, it was reaching till my shoulder. Time really skips so fast.

Where did all the hobbies went to? I liked to study, to paint, to act. It's all because of that boy I lost interest in that. No, I lost interest in everything, only he is in my mind and nothing else. I sighed and sat down on the chair infront of my desk, even if I confess my feelings, he will surely reject me. He never seemed interested in me. He never really cared what is going on around him. It is tiring, how can one not care about his surroundings? How can one be so ignorant. I just feel sick thinking that and more sick by this wet hair. It's giving me chills, cringing me. I see him everyday, everytime he ignores me, I'm sick of him ignoring me continuously. I am sure that even if we were the only one in this whole world, he still would have ignored me fully.

He doesn't know anything about feelings and that's for sure, he just comes to the school talks with that best friend of his and goes home without thinking anything. I want to see more emotions in him, I want to see love, anger, confusion, fear, desperation in him. Is it that hard to bring that up? How will be look when he's desperate, crying, helpless, in fear. I want to see it all. I shook my head, what am I thinking about? Am I going insane?

No, no way will I want to see Fuji hurt, but just the feeling of him being scared..makes my body chills up, in a good way. I looked at my reflection in the window and I saw myself smiling. No, I cannot. Why do I enjoy thinking about that? It's insane. But why isn't my smile fading? My heart was fluttering. Imagining him in all my mercy, it was cruel, insane. But just imagining, there is nothing wrong in imagining, is there? I pulled the shelve and took out the file, his photos were there. I went through it, it was all taken in a haste. I have already gone to this level where I take his pictures secretly. It's normal for the people in love, I think.

After sometime of looking at the pictures. I placed the file back inside the shelf and pushed it. Never get tired of watching him, isn't it? If staring at him whole day without blinking my eyes was possible, I would forget all of my important works and just fulfill my life staring at him. His perfect face, his messy black hair, his body, his height everything, everything makes me fall in love with him harder. Everybody will think it's rubbish, but only the ones who are in love truly understands, that everything is worth it.

I opened my book and started studying. Enough of this, the exams are going to start from day after tomorrow, I have very little time to revise all this. I cannot afford to loose even a single second. After around 1 and half hour, otosan called me downstairs for dinner. The studies are getting me, I just need a little shake to my brain. I closed the book and stood up, made my way downstairs. I saw my step-father already sitting on the dining chair while pouring the water in my glass. He saw me and smiled. Maybe he knows that now I have started focusing on studies. But as long as I know, he has always been sweet so, it was not an old thing.

I sat down on the chair and watched my mother bringing up the bowls. She placed the bowl of rice in front of me and otosan. Then again she went back inside the kitchen and brought the another bowl. It was mushroom soup. She placed the both bowl in front of us. I started eating without wasting anytime and otosan waited for my mother to join us. My mother came and sat down on the chair and they both started eating in silence.

I started imagining Fuji's house, he might also be eating his dinner with his parents and how fun the dinner might be. The trio might be laughing, chatting and talking about the day while also teasing one another. Fuji is a completely different person in his house, I have seen it with my own eyes. I have seen from the bus how his father sprayed the water at him when he was walking inside the gate and they laughed together while Fuji ran inside the door. They were looking like real father and son, playing pranks on eachother. I had never seen Fuji laugh like that before. 

I finished my food and started washing the dishes immediately. I don't want to make my step-father work everytime for me. I can feel his eyes on me, maybe he wants to say he can do it. But atlast he doesn't say anything. Something in it brings peace to me, something in helping someone has always been a very beautiful thing. I don't need anyone's gratitude. After finishing the dishes, I turned around while taking off the gloves. I saw otosan watching the tv in the living room. I went there and sat beside him. He looked at me.

"I am studying well, I went to the library today..I arrived home early than usual", I started while staring at him, "I even studied after that". He was silent for sometime, "..What do you need?", he asked. He knew by the words of mine, I needed something from him. I glanced at the tv and looked back at him, "If I pass in this exam..please buy me a phone, the phone which I'm using is getting old, it's been 3 whole years I'm using that", I said.

He was biting his thumb nail while staring at me, "Sure", he said with a smile without any thoughts. I felt happy and I smiled finally. He was happy that I came to him and asked for something which a daughter would ask her father, I knew it from his expression. "Thank you", I uttered softly. He chuckled and looked back at the television.

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To be continued~