fresh start ; paige bueckers

✮ 19

Lily

"You can stay here for as long as you like. You know that right?" My best friend Emma says to me as we're sat side by side on her rooftop.

Going back to my parents felt like too much so I came to Emma's instead.

I'm clutching my knees close to my chest with my chin rested on them, "Thanks Em, I missed you." I say turning to look at her.

"I missed you, too. It's great to see you, I just wish the circumstances were better. I thought Connecticut was treating you good." She says sadly. I didn't tell Emma exactly what happened, just that I needed a break from college.

"Oh it is. Things have been really good." I think back to my first few months at UConn and can't help but smile but that smile quickly fades when I remember why I'm back in my home town. "I- I had an argument with Paige." I say truthfully.

"What? What did you argue about? Must have been bad for you to come running back here." Emma half laughs, looking out in front of her where our neighbourhood expanded out, eventually blending into the night's sky.

"Her ex showed up to her birthday party and kinda made a scene in front of everyone, begging for Paiges forgiveness. Paige just laughed her off though so I tried not to other think it."

"Right..." Emma says urging me to continue.

"Then she acted really weird with me the next day and basically asked me to leave her place and then like half an hour later I get a voicenote from her, saying this," I open up my phone and have to scroll past Paiges endless messages asking where I am, if I'm OK, telling me that she loves me and she's sorry before I get to the voicenote and press play.

I grimace at the words as Paiges voice plays out.

"Hold up. Replay that." Emma says clearly shocked at what she heard.

"Do I have to?" I frown, not wanting to hear the messaged I'd played hundreds of times already, again.

"No, sorry. I heard it loud and clear. I'm just shocked. I'm guessing that was a mistake?" I nod. "What did she have to say for herself?"

I relay everything to Emma, exactly the way it happened, not missing a single thing.

"Lily, I love you and I agree that Paige should have been honest from the beginning but I don't think this means she loves you any less or wants to get back with her ex. I think it just means she was a little bit stupid and probably panicked." My best friend rationalises.

"I know, but I panicked too. Paige is an amazing person with so many great qualities, I already feel like I'm not enough for her."

"OK, absolutely not. We're not going back there Lily. You need to remember who are, who you've always been. Before everything happened at the beginning of this year, Lily Kent would have never doubted herself. And I saw that Lily Kent coming back, so you better not lose her again. Paige is lucky to have you." Emma says looking directly at me, her hand resting comfortingly on my arm.

"And she's never made me doubt that." In the time I've known Paige, she's never once made me feel like she doesn't love and care about me deeply. She tells me how beautiful I am multiple times a day. She goes out of her way to make me feel comfortable in situations where I would usually feel uncomfortable. Shes never judged me about anything I've told her, shes actually been perfect.

I know her apologies were genuine and I won't hold anything against her, I just got scared and when I get scared, I run.

Paige

"She's not here Paige." Kelsey says with one hand on her hip, the other on the front door.

"Don't lie to me Kelsey. I know she doesn't want to see me but I just want to give her these." I say holding out a bouquet of flowers similar to the ones I bought her on our first date.

"I'm not lying, Paige. Did you see her car downstairs?" Kelsey asks raising her brow and when I think about it, no. No, I didn't see her car.

"Well, where is she? It's almost midnight!" I say checking the time on my phone. 23:47.

"I don't know if she wants me to tell you." Kelsey says and I just glare at her, "Kelsey, come on."

"Fine. She went home, left a few hours ago."

"Home? Home to Boston?" I ask confused.

"Yes Paige, home to Boston." My heart sinks because I know I'm the reason Lily felt like she had to get away. And my heart sinks further knowing she has gone back to a place that has so many bad memories for her.

"How long is she staying there for?" I ask, now standing awkwardly with the flowers in my hand, feeling like I could cry at any given moment.

"She didn't say. I'm sorry, Paige."

I shake my head, "It's my fault. Here, just take these." I hand Kelsey the flowers intended for Lily and turn and leave.

I debate getting in my car and driving to Boston and knocking on every door, on every street until I find Lily. But that's an impossible task. All I know is I don't want to go home, especially knowing Lily won't be there either.

So I go to what I know best. Basketball.

The court is in complete darkness when I enter. I flick on the lights one by one and they make a faint buzzing noise as they do.

Basketball has been the one constant in my life, the only time I didn't have it was when I was injured and that was the worst thing I've ever experienced. Not being able to do the thing you love most in life, the thing you're good at, the thing that makes you, you. I felt useless. I'm not sure how I got through it actually. Having basketball to come back to is what keeps me sane.

As I dribble the ball down the court and take shots from different points, I can't help but think about the times Lily and I have been on this court together. I shoot the ball from the three point line, usually an easy basket, one I could make in my sleep, but I miss.

I let out a frustrated groan and a few choice words. I'm pissed and basketball isn't even helping.

Eventually I leave the court and head home. Everyones alseep by the time I get back and I'm thankful I don't have to interact with anyone.

I try calling Lily one last time, but like all the others, it goes straight to her answering machine.

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