vortex ² [poetry] ✓

xxiv. and it's not like i can blame you

making the bed - olivia rodrigo
“push away all the people who know me the best, but it's me who's been making the bed; i'm so tired of being the girl i am.”

every day i'm putting myself into a tiring, lose contact state

like there are no other feelings beside numb and afraid

because i have caustrophobia and you just like taking my space

remind me of every bad metaphor in a poetry book made out of pain

before i even smile, there's this vague feeling telling me it's fake

cause the moment it's better is the moment you get in my way

my mood depends on whether you decide to hate me today

if i'm honest, i feel ugly every time that you are gone

all of my strength goes into loving every mistake you make

it doesn't really matter that a second in your arms makes me feel strange

i apologize each one of your actions in the same stupid way

that it's not the right time or some other excuse i like to play

so i sit in my own mess, staying where i am no matter the place

praying internally that i will know my worth someday