Dying alone

Me and Myself

The world can be so cruel. I've always tried my best yet again I failed. I wonder if that's what life is about. Always failing, never achieving.

People say you can achieve everything, and if you fail, you can always try! But what about not achieving what you want? What about failing every time miserable? They say you need to try harder and believe in yourself. But what about believing that some things cannot be achieved.

I remember the days I first walked into school thinking I could achieve anything. I was so excited to meet new people. I tried making as much contact as I can, talking as much as I can, being me as much as I can. But guess what. I failed yet again. Here I was sitting alone with no one ,just me,alone. I remember the day my parents passed away and me being an only child at just 10 ,was failed yet again. No siblings, No grandparents, just me, being alone. I sighed, sitting here on the balcony with the wind breeze touching my face. It felt nice. The wind was slowly fading away and I just stared into the night sky. It looked dead. Dead just like me. And alone, alone just like me. There were no stars. Only the moon, alone fading into the sky. Old memories kept flooding my mind. The past was something that never left me alone. It was my friend, who kept reminding me of my misery and my failure always again. I looked again into the night sky now the moon completely faded away. I began standing up from my chair and leaving the balcony. I quietly closed the balcony door behind me and looked around. "Shit" I muttered. I looked at the large clock hanging on the corridor. It was already past midnight. I quickly walked down the corridor, hurriedly to get to my room. As I quickly turned to the side I bumped into someone. I looked up and saw it was our house parent. She looked at me blankly and without saying anything she took me by the hand with force. I didn't know where she was taking me, but I had a feeling. My feeling turned out to be true. She opened the big door to the outside and threw me out. She looked at me blankly and said, 'This is your punishment'." I looked at her with no emotions and then she closed the front door. I was left alone yet again. I sighed. At least I could stare at the night sky again.

I laid on the ground while looking into the sky. Why me I kept thinking but why not me ? This is my life. I was destined for this life. That's how things are meant to be for me. No love, No fun, only pain. This orphanage was meant to let me know about my worth. I continued to look up at the sky, completely forgetting that I had been thrown out and would now have to spend the night outside. Clearing my thoughts and finally realizing in which situation I have gotten myself into, I looked around me. Nothing. Only the grass that lightly touched me. I laid back down looking into the sky.

"Will she come back?" I asked myself. Immediately brushing the thought off. No one would come back for me. A worthless child with nothing. As I kept staring at the sky, my eyes were slowly getting heavier and heavier. I tried keeping them open but the cold wind brushing over me and the quietness that surrounded me made it hard for me. " Promise me you will take me with you" I said quietly and fell asleep.