Distant Relative

In The Cave

Sirius, I'm sorry I never stood up to them. I should've helped you more.
James, I'm sorry for always being difficult with you. I should've listened to you more.
Lily, I'm sorry I lied to you. I should've been braver.
Remus, I'm sorry I was never there during full moons. I should've been there for you
Evan, I'm sorry for getting you into trouble. I should've been smarter
Barty, I'm sorry for crying in front of you. I should've been stronger
Pandora, I'm sorry for making your vision come true, I know you've seen this coming.
Dorcas, I'm sorry for what happened to Marlene. I promise I tried to stop it.

Regulus gave the letters to Kreater and told him to transport them once he was gone. Kreater nodded, “Master Regulus, you have been my favorite master of this century” Kreater told him. “Thank you, Kreater, and thank you for coming with me,” Regulus said. “Of course, Master Regulus”

Regulus was wearing James's old quidditch jersey. If he was going to die, he wanted to be as close to the man he loved as possible. He was wearing Lily’s necklace too. He wanted to be as close as possible to the woman he loved. The necklace looked weird next to the locket. It was delicate and light with a white lily charm on it. While the locket was dark and chunky. It felt wrong to put something from the woman he adored next to a locket that contained a piece of Voldemort’s soul.

As he thought about the people he loved he clutched the necklace tightly and a tear rolled down his face. Then he felt the painfully cold frigid water, like a million knives breaking his skin. Then the hands. They gripped at the fabric of his clothes, his skin, his soul. The hands dragging him under as he cried harder.

He screamed. He screamed for his lovers, for his soleil and his fleur. He screamed for his big brother, he wanted to hold him, tell him how much he loved and looked up to him. He screamed for his mother, despite hating her and all she did, how could she torture his big brother? how could he torture him? He screamed for his best friends, Dorcas, Pandora, Evan, and Barty, they were going to lose their best friend. He screamed for his other best friend, Remus. He screamed for death. He wanted death. He craved death. His will-to-live left with Sirius that night. As he screamed, the water rushed into his mouth. He couldn't tell if it was tears of heartbreak or tears from choking as the water filled his lungs. He was glad he was in Jamie's old jersey, he could pretend it was James wrapping his arms around him in a warm embrace. He was glad he had Lily’s necklace, he could pretend it was her hair wrapping around him as they laid in the sun. But that's all it was, pretend. None of that was actually happening. He was drowning.

His mind wandered back to Sirius, he wished he could tell Sirius how he truly felt. How he was trying to unlearn everything their parents had taught. How he was so excited to go to Hogwarts and spend time with his big brother. How he became an animagus  because he saw his big brother do it. How he would silently pray to whatever was listening to make it stop every single time their mother tortured him. How he would talk to his star after he left. How he needed to be someone Sirius was proud of.

I love you, Siri. He thought

I love you so much, you're my big brother, I'm so sorry, I should've been better. I love you

That was the last thing Regulus thought before he blacked out.

《◇◇◇》

The first thing Regulus noticed was the warmth. It wasn't James' warmth, James was warm like the sun. It wasn't Sirius’ warmth either, Sirius was warm like music. This was warm like spring and freshly baked brownies. This was Lily's warmth.

“Regulus” Lily sobbed. “Reggie, wake up! Please!” she shouted sobs breaking up her words. She held him tight to her chest like he'd disappear if she let go. She let his head fall back to see his face. His skin was pale and he was soaked. He looked like a ghost, like he was dead. She hoped she had gotten there in time, that he wasn't dead, that she wasn't holding a dead man in her arms.