Years Of Love

Let's talk

Chapter 20:

Azzi pushes open the door, the lock clicking softly, and in she steps, followed by Kk, Ice, and Aubrey. Their footsteps are tentative, as if they're walking on glass. The air is heavy, and the sound of my shattered phone still echoes in the silence.

I can't look at them. I keep my face buried in my arms, knees pulled up to my chest as I sit crumpled on the floor. The sobs have stopped, but the ache remains—like I've been hollowed out, left with nothing but emptiness.

Azzi kneels next to me first. I feel her hand hesitantly brush against my back, a touch so gentle it almost breaks me all over again. "Paige..." she whispers, her voice raw with concern. "We're here. We're not leaving until you talk to us."

"I can't," I choke out, voice muffled. I'm terrified of what they'll see—how broken I've become. "I can't talk... I don't even know where to start."

Kk sits on the other side of me, her presence calming but solid. "That's okay. Just... just say whatever's in your head. We're not here to judge, P." Her voice is steady, but there's an edge to it—like she's holding back her own emotions.

I shake my head, squeezing my eyes shut. "You don't understand. I'm a mess. I've screwed everything up, and now I'm just dragging you all down with me."

Ice crouches in front of me, meeting my gaze with a gentleness I haven't seen in weeks. "Paige, look at us. We care about you. None of us are here because we feel obligated. We're here because we love you. We don't want you to deal with this alone."

The word "love" sinks into my chest, and I feel the dam inside me break just a little more. How could they still love me when I don't even recognize myself?

Azzi shifts closer, wrapping her arm around my shoulders, pulling me against her. "You don't have to carry this weight by yourself," she murmurs, her cheek resting against my hair. "We see you, Paige. You're not invisible, and you're not alone."

I finally let out a shaky breath. The silence stretches, and the words I've been choking on for so long finally force their way out. "I don't know who I am anymore," I confess, my voice barely audible. "I've been using everything—smoking, drinking, staying up late—trying to escape all the noise in my head. It was supposed to make me feel better, but now... it's just worse. I feel like I'm drowning, and I can't stop."

Azzi's grip tightens around me, and I hear a soft sigh escape her. "Paige, we all saw something was wrong. But we didn't want to push you, you know? We wanted you to come to us when you were ready."

"But I wasn't ready." I finally look up, my eyes red and puffy, the weight of everything pressing on me. "And now I've dragged you all into this. I don't want to be this person. I don't want to be the one who needs saving."

Kk shakes her head, her hand resting on my arm. "You're not dragging anyone anywhere. We're your family, Paige. We'll walk through hell for you if we have to." Her eyes are fierce, and for a moment, I can see the fierce loyalty and love they all have for me.

Ice sighs, leaning back slightly. "Look, none of us have it all together, okay? You're not broken beyond repair. You're just... going through it. And yeah, it's messy, but life's messy. You don't have to fix everything right now. But we need you to let us in."

I wipe at my eyes, the tears slowly drying up, but the tightness in my chest still lingers. "I don't even know how to do that."

Azzi speaks softly, her voice almost breaking. "One step at a time. Start by telling us what's been going through your mind. What's hurting you the most right now?"

I hesitate, swallowing hard. "I don't... I don't feel like I'm good enough. For anything. I'm letting everyone down—myself, the team, you." I glance at Azzi, my voice faltering. "I don't even know why you still care."

Azzi's eyes soften, and she shakes her head. "Paige, you've never let me down. Not once. And even if you feel like you have, that doesn't change how I feel about you. We've been through too much for that. You're still you—even if you're struggling right now."

Kk lets out a low chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. "If anyone's been a mess, it's me. You should've seen me last semester when I almost flunked that chemistry exam. I was straight-up losing it."

Ice snorts, leaning against the wall. "Yeah, but at least you didn't lock yourself in a bathroom for two hours before calling us for help."

Kk grins, rolling her eyes. "Details, details."

A small laugh escapes me, and it's like a lifeline—pulling me out of the dark, even if just for a moment. They're here. They're staying. And even though everything feels like it's falling apart, maybe—just maybe—I don't have to do this alone.

Azzi leans her forehead against mine. "We're here, Paige. We've got you. And we're not going anywhere. So whenever you're ready, we'll walk through this together."

For the first time in weeks, the storm inside me quiets just a little. And I realize that maybe I don't have to fix everything right now. Maybe, for today, it's enough that I'm not alone.