DORIAN AND VICTOR ONESHOTS 🗣🗣🗣

Kiss.

It was late at night when Dorian was staring at the ceiling, thinking of his roommate, who was only a few feet away from him. He glanced over to Victor and frowned a bit, a sigh escaping his lips.

Dorian wasn't sure why he felt so strange. Whenever he looked at Victor now, he always had to picture him differently- picture him with a flower in his hair, or with a large grin on his face, or... or just someone completely different in general, yet still with Victor's face. Maybe Dorian just wanted to know what it would look like to see Victor grin at him, as if he were really special. He was restless. He slipped out of bed.

Almost subconsciously, as if his body weren't his own, Dorian approached Victor's bed and sat down on it, looking at him and immediately getting surprised to see his eyes open. Dorian wanted to apologise, but Victor didn't say anything, and Dorian didn't ruin the silence. Not yet. Instead, he laid down and looked up at the ceiling.

It was a strange thing, to just casually slip into the same bed as your roommate, but Dorian couldn't bring himself to care. He was tired, yet so restless. He was in need of love, and yet outside of this room, so loved. But not by Victor. Dorian didn't know why that hurt.

Almost as subconsciously as the walk to the bed, Dorian found himself gripping Victor's hand, and Victor gripping back.Dorian looked over to him, and Victor looked back, and Dorian smiled.

"...I'm sorry if I woke you up." He whispered.
"You didn't." Victor replied, and Dorian looked back to the ceiling. "Then i'm sorry for getting into your bed. It must be abrupt, to wake up to just... me." Dorian shrugged, and to his surprise, Victor smiled. "I wake up to 'just you' every day, Dorian. It's not like we're getting to sleep any time soon..." He sighed, moving onto his side. Dorian did the same.

For a moment, it was just like that. Silence, looking at each other, one of them sometimes glancing away because of how awkward or uncomfortable it felt at times to just make persistent eye contact, and Dorian's mind going wild. He could imagine so much. The feel of Victor's hand against his cheek (which probably wouldn't happen any time soon), eyes full of love, soft lips. God, Dorian hated when he had to imagine how Victor's lips may feel. Would they feel nice, bad? Would they be rough, or would they be so gentle they'd be like butterflies? Dorian wished he knew. He doubted he ever would.

Moments like this made Dorian regret ever meeting Victor. He felt guilty to have these moments, because he really did cherish Victor's company sometimes, but he also knew that this would take ages off of him. Every night or morning he woke up thinking of Victor took hours off of his days. All the times in the past where he'd tried to push down the mushy feeling for Victor, convince himself it was something else took seconds away from him. Dorian had given up a long time ago, and it made him want to cry because of how heavy he felt all of the time.

Victor meant so much, and yet simultaneously, Dorian hated him for whatever spell he had put on him. Although, if someone was to ask Dorian if he was in love, he would immediately refuse... but nonetheless. It took hours away. Feelings away. Things Dorian should be feeling for others, he felt here, and he wished he knew why.

"Victor..." He began, his voice ever so gentle. "...I don't understand... I don't." It wasn't until now Dorian noticed he was crying. He pulled his free hand up and began to wipe away his tears, hoping Victor wouldn't notice, even if he probably already had. His head was tilted in a way that Dorian found so adorable, and he almost began to cry again.

He wanted this feeling to go away, he wanted to never feel it again. It was so sweet to the point that it was sour. Dorian wanted to do so much to at least attempt to get rid of it, he had to... this would get him in so much trouble... but he couldn't get rid of the heaviness, so he figured that he could only give into it. That was what caused him to start talking.

"...I feel so weird, Victor. I never grew up seeing love, I- oh, I grew up so bad, Victor... I want to believe I was loved, but I feel as if I was never given a second glance... that's why I feel so strangely! I don't know how to feel!" The tears started again. Victor looked at him curiously, worriedly, and Dorian only kept going. "You... you make me feel so, so odd on the inside. You make me... goodness, I don't know, I hate it. I want to hate you because of it." He said, and it was the bluntest thing he had said in a while, because even Victor looked shocked.
"...It's strange of you to say you want to hate me, Dorian. It's strange of you to hate anything. Don't you remember, the spider? You even named that..." He paused. "You'll eventually see that it's something easy to get over, i'm sure... you get over these things quickly, Dorian. I don't know you well, but I know you well enough to say that you will." He spoke tiredly, his face calm. Dorian had never been so frustrated at something Victor said.

"I've tried to get over it!" He said, all but yelling, and Victor's expression sprung right back into the surprised one he had prior. "I've tried to get over it so many times, Victor... i've looked in the mirror to try and distract myself with my own beauty, or i've looked into others, and yet... no, Victor, no matter how much those things have fought to work, it always comes back to you. I want to hate you for it. I tell you I hate you, I loathe you, and I'm lying. I feel so strongly for you, Victor." And then Dorian didn't know what came over him.

Dorian didn't know what came over him, because just then, he found himself grabbing Victor by the face and leaning in to find out what his lips felt like. He knew this was pure idiocy. He knew how this would look, and he knew how it must've felt for Victor, because just as quickly as Dorian touched their lips, he found himself being pushed back, and Victor looking at him with an expression a mix between anger and just pure shock. Only one word came out of his mouth.

"Why?" He asked, and once again, Dorian was unsure. "I don't know." Even after kissing him, he still didn't know. Maybe if he kissed him twice he'd know, so that was what he did; it was almost as nice as the first one. Quite possibly less special, but almost as nice, and to his surprise, Victor didn't push him back. He could've cried just because of that. The shallow acceptance, even if it had been accompanied by reluctance, made Dorian's heart continue to swell. It swelled more than it had before, and even when he was finally pushed back and looked at with a face that was no longer angry, only so confused, his heart still felt like it was going to explode.

Victor pursed his lips. "...You should go back to bed, Dorian." He murmured. He was right- Dorian should go back to bed. So, he nodded and stood up, tears spilling down his face more than ever now. Dorian wished he could store away his mushy feelings forever, because in the end, they only got him hurt.

Dorian would get no sleep that night.