The Elegy of Markkuu's Archives || Poetry

4. Killer

If you wake up in this cold, nerve wrecking death bed
Just know I failed to kill the only memory I had
I couldn't bear to have you exist in the back of my head
And so I'd turn myself in before I make you mad

I've always been the killer, a lie yet truth seeking believer
You said I should stop being a people pleaser
Yet all I am is a loser when it comes to keeping you closer
It makes me ponder that I should've prayed harder

I've always been the killer, back before you kissed her
You said you wanted my sweater, but all you are is a liar
Claimed you wanted to love yourself first
But in a fortnight, you found love from a new girl

I've always been the killer, an emotional wreck never sober
The one who's always the giver, but never the receiver
All I had were wilted flowers, you changed like the weather
If all I am is a letter, why is it you bleed from my paper?

I've always been the killer, but it was me I had murdered
I've never been loved before, so why should I bother?
You told me you'd be better, and I was your believer
But all I am is a stranger, lifeless in the bed of my lover