What It Takes

Angel

"Janie.......Janie..... Wake up baby." he said. I fluttered my eyes awake slowly, allowing them to adjust to the light radiating from the TV. I looked around the room and I was stunned by what I saw. Sitting a few feet from my face, on the floor, he sat watching me. I broke into tears, but I didn't move.

I bit my lip. "You can't be here. This is just a dream, just like all the other nights. Let me go." I begged through the tears.

He leaned forward and cupped my face in his hands. He gave me a kiss so full of passion and desire that I sobbed louder now. He moved to sit at my feet, where he pulled me into his arms.

"Your not dreaming baby. Come on. Stop crying." he wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Steven. We can't do this. You can't be here." I cried harder yet again.

He held me tight. Everything in my body told me to run. Leave now, while I still could, but I didn't move. "I'm sorry Janie. I'm so sorry." he was crying now too.

I tried to muster up some courage. "We can't be together. You can't walk in and out of our lives." I told him through the sobs as I buried my head in his hair.

"Six fucking years Janie. You've been gone for six years." he said through his own tears.

I inhaled his sweet scent and relished the familiar feeling of his soft skin on mine. "We can't. I'm not going to let you do this to me again. Not again. I can't take it." I cried.

"I'm clean. I just finished rehab. No more coke. No more heroin. Please. Just give me a chance." he begged.

"What did she have that I didn't?" I wanted to know. The million dollar question.

"She was nothing. A quick fuck from a groupie whore. It was a mistake. I should have never done it." he pushed a strand of hair out of my face and stared into my eyes.

"God, you haven't changed a bit. You are mine, Janie. Mine only. When I said I couldn't leave you alone, I meant it. Here I am. I'm back. I've been trying to find you since the minute you left. And jesus christ Janie- I'm sorry. It was all my fault." he had gained his composure back now.

"How do I know this isn't going to happen again? How can I trust you?" I blinked back more tears in an effort to control my emotions.

"I don't want to hurt you again, Janie. Please. It won't happen again. Just trust me. I'm clean. I'm sober. I want you. I've been trying to find you for six years. It was like Deja Vu, but worse, cause I fell in love with you more every single day since the day we met." he held my hand now, waiting for an answer.

"How did you find me?" I whispered, not willing to offer an answer just yet.

"The magazines. You must have saw them snapping pictures of you. Why are you here in New York?" he wanted to know.

"Field trip. I saw the paparazzi and told Jade we were going home first thing in the morning. I didn't want anyone to know we were here." I blinked my long lashes and another tear dripped off.

"She's here?" the look on his face was one of surprise and longing.

I nodded my head slowly.

"You hid her from me for six years. Don't you think that's a little unfair? To her and me?" he asked.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that she rarely asked for him, but I still wasn't going to give up. "What's unfair is raising a child in an environment full of drug fueled rage, where her fucking dad is throwing shit around and snorting cocaine in the back room. Passing out on stage because you overdosed on heroin. That's what's unfair. I did the best thing for her by taking her away from you. That's no way to raise a baby." I argued back.