The Scholarship

Not the time

I didn't get much sleep that night, I tossed and turned. At about 3 that morning I gave up and went out to the balcony. It was chilly so I had a blanket wrapped around my shoulders and laid in one of the chairs looking at the night sky. It was a full moon, but with all the lights it was impossible to see too many stars. None the less, the sky was still breathtaking, endless. So much out there yet to be explored. So much that's come out of the sky that's changed the world. I could only imagine how much different the world would be had Loki never attacked New York.  I thought back to that fateful day. 

        I remember hearing all of these loud noises from the apartment. It was a particularly rough day, dad had made it pretty hard for me to move. I heard screams and people crying. When I looked out the window all I saw was pure chaos. Those horrible monsters flying around, I thought I was going to die, but I guess everyone assumed that. My closet, though small, was big enough to fit me. I crawled off my bed and into the closet. I don't think I had ever had so much fear in my life. This wasn't the fear of what I knew was going to happen. This was the fear of the unknown, of all that originally were just conspiracy theories became real life. I still wonder if it was more horrifying for those that denied it or those that craved for it to be true. I stayed in my closet frozen in fear for 4 hours. When the screams died down I got out of my closet and crept to the window. I peeked out and saw everyone staring at the sky. But I couldn't see what they were looking at so I hurried outside and saw this giant hole closing up in the sky. A bright small light was headed towards the ground, and then nothing. The only thing left was to hear about everything that happened on the news. The Avengers is what they were called. Meant to protect us. At that moment in time, I never thought much about the people behind the masks. Both literally and figuratively. Knowing these people now, getting to know them is a weird experience.  I kind of always thought that I would fade into the background. Live my life without having to worry about getting too much attention. But here I was sitting in a chair staring out at the world at least 50 stories below me. Living with Tony Stark, and spending time with the rest of the Avengers. The people that saved my life, and the lives of everyone else on this planet. Yet Tony feels the need to take care of me. I got startled out of my thoughts when I heard a door open. I looked behind me and saw Pepper coming towards me with a warm look on her face and a two mugs that looked like they were going to overflow with whip cream. 

"Hey." She said as she set down the drinks and pulled up a chair. "What are you doing up at 4 in the morning?"

I shrugged and looked forward, "I couldn't really sleep. Just have a lot on my mind I guess."

"Like what?" She handed me one of the mugs, "It's just black coffee. I know you won't be getting back to sleep. But whip cream is always good, so I figured I'd throw some on top. You look like you could use some happiness right now."

I cracked a smile. She was basically right, whip cream was happiness. "I guess I'm just apprehensive about talking to someone about my problems. Talking to that lady in the hospital didn't really make me feel better. And I don't like the thought of people knowing about my past. It- It haunts me, and I'm afraid that it could haunt people that I tell." I took a sip of the coffee and looked down at my hands. I heard Pepper sigh and watched her put her hand over mine.

"Honey, talking to someone about your internal thoughts is really hard. Especially when you close yourself off from opening up to the people around you. It's scary, and when you do it you don't feel better at first. In fact, it can add stress to you. You have to figure out how to tell a complete stranger all your thoughts and make it sound like you don't belong in a mental hospital. You have to create coherent sentences about experiences that still can cause mental breakdowns. But in the long run, it will help you forgive yourself.  Help you realize that your past made you who you are today, but does not and will not ever define you as a person. I understand that everything that's happened is weird and kind of scary, but we aren't going to ever hurt you. This is your family, sweetie." She kissed my forehead and went back into the house. I sat there with my thoughts for probably another hour before going back inside for another cup of coffee. As I was pouring the cup Damon and Tony both walked out in nothing but pajama pants. I tried my hardest to not look at Damon instead, I looked towards my cup and pretended I was lost in thought. Tony came over and kissed the side of my head before mumbling a good morning.