The Scholarship

crocodile tears

"Oh my god Tony quit glaring at Steve!" I said and slapped him upside the head. I was currently playing battle ship again with Bruce and Tony was mad because Steve had beaten him so he sat next to me glaring at him, I'm pretty sure he thought if he glared long enough something would come out of this eyes. Of course knowing him, by tomorrow he would make some sort of invention for that.

"OWW! Don't hit me."

"Than don't glare at good people." I snapped. My mood had been extra foul after the night the boys were over. Granted I enjoyed my time with them I had hoped that something would change and we would make speak at school or even a wave

but alas it never happened. Infact in my eyes it seemed as though they went out of their way to avoid me now. Maybe it was just paranoia, and granted I had done nothing to try to get their attention, I still felt that I had said something that night. I sighed and shook my head of the thought. It didn't matter because his father and I grew increasingly closer. I opened up to him slowly more and more and he opened up to me. I felt like I finally had someone to trust and it made living with my father much more bearable.

"What's crawled up your ass?" Cint ask as he walked in biting into an apple. I looked at him with a blank look and blinked before deciding to go with a generic answer that made everyone assume I was PMSing.

"You don't want to know." I mumbled and turned my attention away from battleships and instead to a thing of schematics that we were currently working on. Since I had been here I had learned so much and it only made me crave more. I had even been told that I had a act for it.

Clint made a face at my statement, "Ewww." and sat down, our game long abandoned. It was raining outside and everyone made a point that today just screamed lets not do anything. Especially since this was a random rainy day after a long stream of moderately sunny and beautiful days. I shrugged and moved to lay down on the floor and put the schematics over my face. To say I was tired was an understatement. My dad was horrendous last night to me and my body was definitely taking a toll. It's been awhile since it hurt and granted I haven't brought up what my fathers done to Tony I figured he knew but didn't want to say anything. What I didn't understand was why he didn't just force me to move in with him or call child services. Every time I thought of this I pushed it away. I could do nothing about it and quite frankly I didn't want to know the answer thinking that he had some alterior motive towards all of this. But I suppose that was why I made very few friends in my lifetime. I always assume that they had a motive.

"Why so tired?" Bruce asked.

"This random weather change is throwing everything off." I lied easily.

"I don't think I'll ever understand New York weather." He said as he looked out the window. I lifted my head slightly as I watched the rain drops pelt the glass like the glass had done something wrong. The way my father was going to do to me when I got home. As spring grew closer he slowly turned more and more into a neanderthal. It was more frequent now and for much more stupid things. Now it was almost as if he was doing it just for the sake of doing it. I wanted no part of it, I was over all of it. Damon and his stupid girlfriend came barging through the door and my sour mood grew into a much more tart and indescribable feeling. At first she seemed nice but now I saw what everyone else saw. A gold digging bitch. She giggled and held onto his arm and my heart panged in my chest. I had realized just last night that this aching feeling I had was a crush- JUST. a crush. It would be gone soon enough if I spend enough time ignoring it as I did pretty much every other problem in my life. I guess I was good at that.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" Damon asked, pulling me out of my obvious day dreams.

"Oh no sorry, I don't listen to ass holes." I said without thinking. Once I realized what I said my eyes went wide and my hands covered my mouth. Everyone in the room stood there and gaped at me as if I had just put a curse on all of them. Of course Tony was the first one to burst out laughing. Sometimes I think he forgets that that is his son. Slowly everyone else joined him and I stood there red faced and obviously confused. Did they even process what I had just said to one of the most powerful mens son? Cassandra glared at me as Damon actually started laughing. I stood there and blinked at what was happening around me. I really wasn't sure what had just happened.

Later that night we all sat around the large table as Tony told the girls and Thor what I had said, he seemed much more entertained by it than anyone else but his excitement earned several chuckles. I had been for the most part speechless after it had happened. I was sure I would have gotten in trouble for that, but I was apparently wrong. Cassandra sat across from me and glared incessantly and it was really starting to get annoying. I wasn't in a good mood and I wasn't up for a staring match. I ignored her as I munched on dinner and after another twenty minutes I was ready to go home. I was over this. I bid goodbye to everyone and swiftly made my way outside. I didn't want a ride home, I wanted to get away from there and get some air. It was sufficating being in there. With Tony talking about me like I was a god, the way it felt to have Cassandras glare on me, and the fact that Damon kept sparing glances my way that said nothing short of we need to talk. I couldn't take it. I didn't want to deal with it. I wanted to run away from my problems and ignore them. They would go away eventually. Just like my mom did, just like my love for her. Yeah I still missed her but about a year after she left I just stopped loving her. Why should I love someone who abandoned me?

Why should you love someone who beats you on a daily basis?

My mind screamed. I stopped and fell to the ground on my knees and put my hands over my ears. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take any of this. I was just so tired of everything. I was tired of pain, of people hating me, of everything. I didn't know what to do. These breakdowns rarely happened but usually I was able to hold it all in until I was in the comfort of my own bed at night. But this was long awaited I guess. It had been a long awaited time since I had actually willingly cried. Here I was in the middle of a park at night where it seemed that no one was as the rain was pouring down on me crying my eyes out, trying to figure out what to do with myself. I didn't want to go home. I had had enough. I couldn't figure out why Cassandra glaring at me set me over the edge. My only guess was because for some unbeknownst reason it made me realize just how crappy my life had been before I met Tony and the rest of the Avengers. And how crappy it still seems to be at my own home. I felt that I was taking Damons' family away from him. But that made no sense. I couldn't take his family away from him. I- I didn't know what to do. So I cried, and cried and cried. I cried until my eyes throbbed and my body ached. I cried myself out and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about it. I guess I thought I was supposed to feel better. But I didn't. I felt worse and it made me feel like I was supposed to rethink my entire life. I sighed and moved from behind the tree I was leaning against. My body long since been cold, I was sure I would have frost bite by now. I began walking slowly back to my apartment. I felt myself long for a shoulder to cry on, someone to hold me as I felt that I hit rock bottom emotionally. But I knew no one would be there, I was alone and I would always be alone whether I wanted to admit it or not. I made it home without a hitch, purely because I kept to busy streets that seemed to always be filled with people. The rain had subsided hours ago, well I felt like it had been hours. Realistically it had probably only been an hour since I had left Stark Tower. I couldn't help but wonder what they were doing. Were they all sitting around the table talking and arguing? Was Tony in his lab with Bruce, Nat and Clint off somewhere doing their own thing, Was Pepper enjoying her few minutes of peace, while Damon and Cassandra were in his room? My heart felt a pang when I thought of them doing anything together. Even being in the same room together made my heart hurt and another round of tears threaten to spill out of my eyes. By the time I made it back to my own home my heart hurt more than my head did. My father was passed out on the couch, as I made my way to my small room. I looked down at the bracelet Damon had given me a few months back, I never took it off... I kept it on and it always made me feel safe. But now all I felt was anger. I ripped it off and threw it at my plain white wall. I stared down at it wanting nothing more than for it to disappear, but it didn't. As I got a closer look I saw something engraved on the inside of the bracelet. How cliché. I thought to myself as I picked it up.

One day you'll see what I see.

My eyebrows knit together. What did that mean? What did he see? I shook my head not willing to be bothered with it tonight. I was far too tired to deal with anything as I sunk into my bed and fell asleep.